La Belle et le Bete
by AMarguerite
Summary: Yes, it's Les Mis meets Beauty and the Beast, the animated Disney movie. Featuring Enjolras as a clock and Fantine as a teapot. Read if you can and review if you dare.
1. In Which Marius is Very Stupid

A/N: Okay, this will require some explanation.  Well, in French class, we were watching 'Beauty and the Beast', which translated into French is 'La Belle et la Bete'.  But 'Bete' can also be translated into 'idiot'.  Being the obsessive 'Les Mis' freak I am, I thought, hmmm… 'Idiot… dolt of a lawyer… MARIUS!' So this was created.  Hope you enjoy, or at least, are not too scared.

Disclaimer:  Disney owns the plot and songs; Hugo owns the characters.  I own nothing but Courfeyrac the singing Candlestick… and Enjolras the indignant Clock.  I'd like to make copyrights on them, if their separate characters had not already been copyrighted… and stuff.

            Near the small village of Montreuil- sur- mer, there was once a magnificent castle, and in it, lived a handsome prince.  The prince had everything he wanted, and was generally very kind and giving to his subjects, yet he was also very, very stupid.  He didn't notice the most blatantly obvious things until they were pointed out to him, and, at times, he made incredibly idiotic decisions.  This is the story of one of them.

One cold, rainy night, a girl named Eponine knocked on the door of the prince's castle.  Eponine was madly in love with the prince, but the prince, being very stupid, did not realize this.  Eponine had been kicked out of her home and needed a place to stay.  Unfortunately, she kept staring at the prince and mentioning how handsome he was and so on until the prince was extremely freaked out and extremely uncomfortable.  Eponine finally got to the point of her speech, it being, 'I need a place to stay for the night.  May I stay here?  I can pay you with this rose.'

Marius, which was the name of the prince, being terrified out of his wits and stupid as usual, gave Eponine five francs and told her to try finding a room at an inn in the village.  Sadly, he didn't know that Eponine's parents ran the only inn in the village.  He promptly slammed the door shut, and Eponine fell off the drawbridge and drowned in the moat.  

But Eponine was much beloved of the fandom, and so she was turned into a beautiful fairy, and forced the door to the castle open.  The prince was again terrified and begged forgiveness for accidentally causing Eponine's death.  But hell hath no fury like a woman scorned and accidentally killed by the object of her affections.  Eponine cursed the prince.  He would become a wraith-like, penniless student with a permanent Phantom of the Opera mask on, living in an enchanted castle (where everyone had been turned into previously inanimate objects) until he could love a woman, and be loved in return.  The enchanted rose Eponine had offered would bloom for many years, but if he did not fall in love with someone before the last petal fell, he and his friends would remain like they were… forever.

As the years passed, Marius sunk into despair, and he found that whenever he was angry and depressed, wild animals would appear and destroy things.  This sunk him into further despair, for who could love a penniless student with a mask glued on his face that could create destructive wild animals when he was angry and depressed?  

And so, the dark castle was forgotten for a time by the merry people of Montreuil- sur- mer, but things would change…..


	2. In Which Cosette Loses Her Hat

It was a glorious day in Montreuil-sur- mer.  The sun was shining brightly down on the town.  Cosette smiled, and left her father's house, which was situated just outside the town.

"Little town," she sang to herself, "it's a quiet village. Every day… like the one before."  She paused to push an errant strand of hair back into her bonnet and cross the bridge into the town.  "Little town, full of little people.  Waking up to say…."

"Bonjour!" a woman cried with perfect timing, flinging open her windows.

"Bonjour!" another woman on the street greeted Cosette politely.  After all, she was the mayor's daughter.

"Bonjour!" a small gamin called.

"Bonjour, bonjour!" chimed two girls sitting outside a large and fashionable house.  Cosette smiled and waved to them.

"There goes the baker with his tray like always," Cosette sang, spotting the portly baker waddling across the square with a large tray of rolls.  "The same old bread and rolls to sell!  Every morning just the same, since the morning that I came… to this previously poor town-"

"Good morning, mademoiselle!" the baker greeted her.  

"Morning monsieur!" Cosette stopped him and bought two baguettes and two croissants, like always.

The baker handed her the bread.  "And where are you off to, this morning mademoiselle Cosette?"

"Oh, to Monsieur Mabeuf's bookshop!"  Cosette tucked the baguettes and croissants into her basket and smiled charmingly at him.  "I finished this wonderful book by Monsieur Victor Hugo about a hunchback living in Notre- Dame in Paris, and a gypsy, and-"

"That's nice," the baker said, not being able to read and not really caring.  He scurried over to his shop, shouting, "Marie!  We need more baguettes!"  

Cosette shrugged and kept walking.

"Look there she goes," one of the town busybodies sniffed.

"The girl is strange," another old matron hissed.

"No question!" the last one agreed.  

"Dazed and distracted, can't you tell!" the first busybody whispered indignantly. 

"Never part of any crowd," a fashionable young lady remarked.

"Cause her head's up on some cloud," her beau retorted, rolling his eyes.

"No denying she's a trés étrange mademoiselle!" the busybodies crowed.

Cosette walked gracefully to the bookshop, listening to the musical conversations around her.  The town always randomly burst into song every morning.  No reason why, but it was always very pretty.

"Bonjour!" Monsieur Frachlevaunt greeted Madame Victurnien as he drove past on his cart.

"Good day!" she called back, walking briskly to the factory.

"How is your family?" he asked in an attempt to be polite.

"Bonjour!" a pretty mademoiselle murmured while picking out a few apples.

"Good day," the apple seller muttered suavely.  

"How is your wife?" the mademoiselle laughed as the apple seller's wife hit him on the head with a basket of apples.

"I need… six eggs!" a woman with a large amount of rowdy children panted to a merchant.

"That's too expensive!" another man protested to a butcher.

"There must be more then this small town life!" Cosette sighed to herself as she arrived at the bookshop.

"Ah, Cosette!" Monsieur Mabeuf closed his book and looked up.  

She smiled at him.  "I've come to see if there are any more books by Monsieur Hugo!"

"Finished already?" Monsieur Mabeuf asked, investigating his book shelves.

"Oh I couldn't put it down!  Love, deceit, redemption… and poor Esmeralda!"  Cosette busied herself with looking through her basket.  "Oh, and my rose bushes are growing splendidly.  You were right about the sugar water… I brought you some of the blooms!"  She removed a handful of roses from the basket and handed them to Monsieur Mabeuf, who took them laughing.

"Ah, thank you mademoiselle!  I'm sorry that we don't have any new books by Monsieur Hugo, but… we do have a book of fairy tales, some you've most likely read, a majority you haven't.  Eloquent dialogue, fantastic plot elements, Prince Charming riding up on white horses to save princesses…."  He pulled the book of the shelf and handed it to her.

"Merci monsieur."  Cosette took the bag and began rummaging through her purse.

"No, take it!  The roses are payment enough."  Monsieur Mabeuf was actually very lonely, as many people in the town could not read and therefore he didn't have many customers.  Cosette usually visited his bookshop every day and the old man had come to think of her as his niece.  Monsieur Mabeuf was always a strange one.  

"But, monsieur!" Cosette protested. 

"I insist."

"Well… thank you!  Thank you very much!"  She beamed at him and walked out the door, reading.  

Monsieur Bamatabois and his friends were loitering on the street outside the bookshop.  

"Look there she goes!" one of them sighed, love-struck.

"That girl is so peculiar… I wonder if she's feeling well!" Bamatabois remarked, tapping his forehead with his forefinger.  He and his friends sniggered immaturely.  

"With a dreamy far-off look," a little gamine sang as she skipped through the streets.

"And her nose stuck in a book!" another gamine chimed.  Cosette absent mindedly gave the gamine a few sous and walked on reading.

"What a puzzle to the rest of us is that mademoiselle!" they all sang.

Cosette sat down on the large fountain in the middle of the town square that her father had donated.  A few gamins and gamines flocked around her.  They stealthily snuck a baguette out of Cosette's basket, while Cosette read to a few of them.

"Oh!  Isn't this amazing!" Cosette had found her favorite fairy tale, that of a 'Sleeping Beauty' in her book. A few gamines, curious, peered over her shoulder at the bright illustrations.  "It's my favorite part because… you'll see!  Here's where she meets Prince Charming!  But she won't discover that it's him till…." Cosette paused and flipped through the book.  "Page thirty- three!"  The band of gamines and gamins, having taken the bread Cosette usually bought and let them steal scampered away.

Cosette stood up and began walking back to the bridge.

"Oh, there's no denying that she is a beauty!" an old busy-body gossiped to a wig-maker, trying on a thickly powdered wig.  "And the sweetest girl you've ever met!"

The wig-maker glanced at Cosette, who still reading and walking.  "But behind that sweet façade, I must admit, she's… rather odd.  Very different from the rest of us...."

"She's nothing like the rest of us," the busy-body snapped, examining herself in the mirror.

"Yes, very different from the rest of us, Cosette," the rest of the town sang.  Cosette, absorbed in the tale of Sleeping Beauty, paid no attention to the townspeople.  There was a large bang, and Théodule Gillenormand and Grantaire, drunk as usual, sauntered into town with a dead goose.  

"That wash good, Théodule," Grantaire hiccupped, swinging about a bottle of wine absently.  "Big bang, then, poofsh, dead birdsh… you…ish a goodsh hunter…." Grantaire hiccupped then fell over on the pavement.

Théodule readjusted the goose on his shoulder so that he could buff his nails importantly on his military uniform.  "I know.  It is such fun when I get days off from being a lancer to go kill little animals in the country-side."

Grantaire managed to stand up and drink more wine from his bottle.  "All hail Théodule, greatest hunter in France!  Caesar among hunters!"  He waved the wine bottle around so that the pavement was stained purple.  "No beastsh can standsh before hish mighty proweshs… andsh no woman either?  Make a bet with you, Théodule!"

"Name it!"

"I'll bet you can get any girl in town to marry you tomorrow!"  Grantaire finished off the wine happily, and then got several of his fingers stuck in the neck of the bottle.  

"That's easy enough!" Théodule boasted.  "I'll marry…." He scanned the crowd a moment and then he spotted Cosette, whose bonnet had come undone and was flying in the opposite direction.  Cosette took no note of this, and her hair blew very prettily around her face.

"I'll marry her!" Théodule pointed at Cosette.

"The **mayor's** daughter?" Grantaire asked in astonishment.

"Yes!  She's the one. The lucky girl I'll marry."  Théodule smoothed out his small moustache importantly.

"But she's…" Grantaire quickly lost his train of thought and stared absent mindedly at the clouds.  "Oh, look, pink elephants!"

"She's the most beautiful girl in town… probably in all of France!" Théodule strode after her, Grantaire following close behind.  "And she's rich.  The mayor's daughter!  Imagine…."

Grantaire waved around the hand he had got a bottle stuck in. "I know, oh paragon of manly virtue, but shouldn't you know more about her then the fact that she's pretty and rich?" Grantaire paused.  "On second thought, I'd marry her for just those two qualities as well…."

"Exactly what makes her the best!  And I need the best."  Théodule stopped in front of a booth selling mirrors.  He smoothed down his moustache and hair.  "Right from the moment when I met her, saw her!  I said she's gorgeous, and I fell…" He paused to examine his teeth.   "Here in town there is only she…" he continued, singing.  "Who's as beautiful as me!  So I'm making plans to woo and marry said mademoiselle!"  Grantaire hiccupped and fell over.

"Look there he goes, isn't he dreamy!" squealed Matelote, who was a waitress, as Théodule strode past her.

"Monsieur Théodule, he's oh-so cute!" Gibelotte, the other waitress, agreed tiredly.  

"Be still my heart… I'm hardly breathing!" Louison, who was a scullery maid, sighed, and fluttered her hand over her chest.  

"He's such a tall, blonde, strong and handsome brute!" they all sang.  Matelote hopped up and down, Louison sighed after him wistfully, and Gibelotte tripped over Grantaire, who had passed out on the pavement.

"Bonjour!" a man called to Théodule.  

"Pardon," Théodule excused himself, squeezing through the crowd to get to Cosette.    

"Good day!" the baker huffed, yanking his tray away from a flock of gamins.  

"Mais oui!" argued a fish vendor.

"You call this bacon?" a housewife snorted derisively.  

"What lovely grapes," another woman commented, paying a merchant.

"Some cheese," requested a man, looking hungrily at a large wheel of Brie.

"Ten yards!" shouted a matron, examining a bolt of silk.

"One pound!" the hungry man clarified.

"Excuse me," Théodule snapped, trying to get past the man who wanted some cheese.

"I'll get the knife," the cheese vendor said.

"Please let me through," Théodule barked, shoving the hungry guy aside.

"This bread!" shrilled a housewife.

"Those fish," growled a man behind a booth to a neighboring merchant.

 "It's stale!" she snapped, brandishing a baguette at the baker.

"They smell!" snapped the merchant.

"Madame's mistaken," the baker protested.

Cosette sighed and looked around.  "There must be more then this small town life!"

"Just watch!  I'm going to make Cosette my wife!" Théodule boasted to a group of townspeople.

"Look there she goes, a girl that's strange yet special," the entire town sang as Cosette walked past most of them. "The strangest girl you've ever met!"

"It's a pity and a sin," Sister Perpetua admonished, brandishing a rosary, "that she doesn't quite fit in.  She really is a funny girl."

"A beauty but a funny girl," the townspeople sang.  "She really is a funny girl!  That Cosette!"  

Cosette, hearing her name, glanced up from her book to look at the townspeople, who went about singing through their day.  She sighed and realized her hat was missing.  She looked around for it, blushing at the thought of going about bare-headed only to come face to face with Théodule.  

"Bonjour Cosette!" Théodule greeted her suavely.

"Bonjour Théodule," Cosette sighed.  Théodule grabbed Cosette's book and began flipping through it.  Cosette attempted to remain happy and cheerful.  "Théodule, may I please have my book back?"

"How can you read this?  There are no battles!" Théodule stared at the book in shock.  "Romance and fairy tales?"

Cosette blushed.  "Well, not everyone likes death and blood and gore…." 

"Cosette, it's about time you got your head out of the clouds… and these books." Théodule tossed the book into the mud.  "And start paying attention to more important things.  Like me.  The whole town is talking about it."  Cosette, annoyed, pulled her book out of the mud puddle and tried to clean off the cover with her handkerchief.  The waitresses, who looked on, sighed.

"It's not right for a woman to read," Théodule admonished.  "Soon she starts getting ideas… and **thinking**."

Cosette bristled.  She was getting very tired of being thought of as empty-headed.  "Théodule, you're positively primeval.  And you bear a striking resemblance to Inspector Javert."

Théodule paused a moment, baffled by this.  Then he decided to take it as a complement, and slung his arms around Cosette's shoulders.  Cosette stiffened.  

"Why thank you, Cosette!  Hey, what do you say we head over to the Corinthe and take a look at all the shiny new medals I got for my promotion?"

Cosette pushed his arm off his shoulders.  "Maybe some other time," she lied through clenched teeth.  

"What's **wrong** with her?" Matelote demanded.

"She's crazy," Gibelotte yawned.

"He's gorgeous!" Louison squealed.

Théodule flashed a quick grin at them, and they all fainted of happiness.

"Please, Théodule, I can't," Cosette explained, quickly walking backwards over the bridge.  "I- I… have to help my father do charity work around the village!"  

Grantaire woke up a moment and shouted, "Monsieur le maire?  He's crazy!  He'll need all the help he can get!"  He quickly passed out again.

"What does that have to do with good works?" Cosette wanted to know.

"Who knows?  Grantaire is an idiot."  Théodule glared at Grantaire a moment, and then grinned charmingly at Cosette.  "So… later?"

"Oui… later," Cosette lied, blushing.  She couldn't help it: she was a horrible liar, and hated lying.  She quickly fled across the bridge, clutching her book tightly.  


	3. In Which Valjean Gets Lost

Once inside the wrought iron gate to her home, she sighed and smoothed out her hair with a gloved hand.  She set her basket down on the front steps and knocked on the door.  "Papa?" she called.

Her father, hereafter known as Valjean, poked his head out the window.  "Bonjour Cosette!  I'll be down in a moment."  Her father scurried out the door a moment later, after first taking the basket inside and putting the bread away.  "Where's your hat?" 

"How are you papa?" Cosette asked politely, ignoring his previous question.  "Let's go to the garden.  I need to water my rose bushes, and your fruit trees need pruning."  She pulled her father into the garden, and filled a small tin watering can (on a table of gardening equipment Cosette had forgotten to put away the day before) in the little fountain in the middle of the garden.  Valjean was ridiculously fond of fountains.

"I'm fine Cosette… but…."  Valjean picked up the pruning sheers and absent-mindedly began pruning a willow tree.

"But?"

"But… I'm not so sure my appeal will work out…" (A/N: For the sake of plot convenience, Cosette knows about Valjean's past.  Okay?)

"Nonsense, papa!" Cosette admonished, watering her rosebush.  "I'm sure you'll do splendidly.  You have the quickest legal mind of anyone I know.  Besides… you hired all those lawyers from Paris."  

"True…" Valjean, having cut off a branch of the willow tree, began pruning the air.

"And you'll be found innocent, because you are perfectly innocent."

Valjean smiled, which was a rare sight indeed.  "You really believe that, Cosette?"

"I always have!" She turned and smiled at him.  "Papa… be careful with those sheers…"

"Oh."  Valjean wandered over to an apple tree and began cutting off branches.  "So… did you have a good time in town?" 

Cosette nodded.  "I got a new book from Monsieur Mabeuf."  She paused and refilled her watering can.  "Papa?  Do you… think I'm pretty?"

Valjean cut off a large branch and began cutting the air again.  "Pretty?"  He sounded very nervous. "Of- of… course, you are."  He now sounded rather sad.  

Cosette contemplated this a moment.  "Then papa?  Do you think I'm odd?"

Valjean turned to look at her.  "My daughter?  Odd?  Where would you get an idea like that, Cosette?"

Cosette picked up the watering can and made her way back to her rose bushes.  "Oh, I don't know." '_Could be the song everyone was singing in the village today_,' she thought absently.  "It's just… things are so different here from the convent.  I'm not sure I fit in here.  There's really no one I can talk too."

"Cosette, cheri, you've been here for, what? Two years now?  You're sixteen, right?"

Cosette nodded and watered the rose bush.  "I'll be seventeen next week, Papa." 

"Well, this town isn't too, um… inviting of new-comers.  You have to be here at least… um… four years to be accepted.  At any rate, you have me.  Now, come listen to my opening statement."

"All right, papa.  Remember!  You have to leave in the afternoon to get to the court on time."  Cosette placed her watering can on the table and concentrated on being cheerful and bubbly, biting back the retort that she needed female friends here own age that she could actually **talk** to, and not have to wait weeks to get letters they sent, and wait weeks for them to get the letters she sent.

Valjean was oblivious of his daughter's loneliness.  "All right!  Come Cosette."

* * * * * * * * * * 

"Good bye Papa!" Cosette called, waving a (clean, not the one she took to town) handkerchief at him.  "Good luck!  I know you'll do splendidly."

"Au revior Cosette!  Take care while I'm gone!"  Valjean called.  He was soon speeding off into the distance and into the dark woods on his rented tilbury, and the Bishop's silver candle-sticks on the seat next to him for good luck.  

A few hours later, Valjean pulled out a map and stopped his horse.  "This can't be right.  We should have been in Arras hours ago…."  He lifted his lantern to see the sign, pointing to the right.  He couldn't see the name 'Arras', but it was an old sign.  'Perhaps the paint has worn off,' he mused.  "Well, Philippe," Philippe was the name of his horse. "Let us go that way."  They turned to the right.  Little did Valjean know that the nail in the top of the sign had popped out that morning, and he was supposed to go to the left… but he didn't, so he kept on going on the twisted, winding right path.  

It became steadily darker, and the path became fainter, until it vanished into oblivion.  "Cher Dieu, Philippe, where have you taken us?"

Philippe snorted and tossed his head impatiently.  He laid his ears back, flat on his head, and brayed.  

"Whoa, whoa.  Calm down, boy."  Valjean pulled out the map and examined it under the small pool of light the lantern cast.  "We must've taken a wrong turn somewhere… let's turn around."  Valjean attempted to steer Philippe one handed, and they managed to back into a tree, where a swarm of bats had been occupying.  "Look out!" The bats screeched and flew at Valjean, then away from his lantern.  Philippe spooked and bolted away, whinnying in fear and nearly throwing off Valjean in the process.  There was the distant sound of wolves howling.  Valjean felt a little prick of nervousness.  Philippe speed up and galloped to the edge of a cliff.

"Back up Philippe!" Valjean cried, panicked.  He saw the front edge of the cliff crumbling beneath Philippe's front hooves, and heard the hungry howls of the wolves.  "Back up!  Back up!"  Slowly, achingly slowly, Philippe backed up off the cliff.  "Good boy, good boy.  That's good, that's-" The wolves howled again, and Valjean saw them bounding out of the forest.  Valjean felt an uncontrollable panic settle over him.  He fumbled under his seat for his musket.  Philippe spooked and wanted to run.  

"Back up!  Steady, steady.  Hey now, steady, steady!"  It was too late.  Philippe reared on his hind legs and threw Valjean and his candlesticks out of the tilbury and sped off with the lantern… and Valjean's musket.  Valjean had the urge to swear.  But he still had the candlesticks, however, and they could be used as weapons.  A wolf advanced, growling.  Valjean took a candlestick in each hand and wrapped his cloak around his arm.  

The wolf howled, and several other canine shapes materialized out of the dark tangle of shrubbery that was the forest.  Valjean, panicked, began to run.  There was a sharp, searing pain in his right arm.  Numbly, he clutched both his candlesticks and somehow managed to hit whatever was on his right arm in the head with the candlestick he'd been carrying in his left hand.  It yelped and let go of his arm.  He couldn't hear the wolf pack any more, but he still was worried. 

Valjean ran on blindly, and soon tripped and tumbled down a hill, where he reached a rusty iron gate.  He carefully eased the (unlocked) gate open with his left hand and walked up to the front door, dropping a silver candlestick he had been carrying, at the gate without realizing he did so.  He pried open the door and walked in.  

It was a lavishly decorated castle, full of old tapestries and expensive artwork.  Valjean immediately felt out of place.  "Bonjour?  Bonjour?"

He walked into the hallway, trying not to get the red velvet carpet under his feet too muddy.  On his right, there was a carved mahogany table with a clock and a gold candelabrum.  If he had been listening closely, he would've heard the two objects whispering to each other.

"Old fellow must've lost his way in the woods," the candelabra barely whispered.

"Keep quiet, Courfeyrac," the clock warned him.  "Maybe he'll go away.  Look at his clothes!  He's obviously a member of the corrupt aristocracy."

"Fool!  We **are** members of the corrupt aristocracy!"

"No, we're rebellious students that got turned into talking household objects, and as soon as we break this stupid curse, I'm getting rid of the French upper class."

"So your hatred of the upper class stems from the fact that because we were friends with a prince, we all got turned into talking inanimate objects and the like."

"And all monarchs are corrupt and are oppressing the common people of France."

"Hello?" Valjean called.  "Is someone there?"

"Not one word, Courfeyrac!  Not one word!" the clock hissed.  

"I apologize for the intrusion, but I have lost my horse and I need a place to stay for the night.  I can pay you back generously, though not as much as I'm sure you have, I mean just by looking at your palace…." Valjean looked up at the ceiling and then sunk to the floor, clutching his arm.  

Courfeyrac the candelabra turned to the clock and looked at the old man as if he'd just found a lost puppy.  "Oh Enjolras, have a heart.  He reminds me of my father…."

"Shush, shush, shush!" Enjolras the clock shushed.  He placed a brass hand over Courfeyrac's mouth.  Courfeyrac sighed and raised one of his lit candles of hands under Enjolras's.  "Ow ow ow OW OW OUCH!!!" 

"Of course monsieur, you are welcome here," Courfeyrac said smoothly.  Enjolras waved his hand about and glared at Courfeyrac.

Valjean looked around the castle in bewilderment and stood up.  "Who said that?"  He set down the bishop's silver candlestick on the table and picked up the lighted gold candelabra.  "Hello?"

Courfeyrac tapped Valjean on the shoulder.  "Over here."

Valjean turned, bewildered, but saw no one there.  "Where?"

Courfeyrac tapped him on the side of the head.  Valjean looked at the candelabra, which appeared to be grinning.  

"Allo!" Courfeyrac said cheerfully.

"AHHHHH!" Valjean screamed, dropping the candelabra.  He took a deep breath.  "Oh, cher Dieu, am I dead?"  He pinched himself.  "No?  This is some sort of sorcery…."

The clock hopped off the table indignantly.  "Well, **now** you've gone and done it, Courfeyrac.  You stupid sod!  Now we're going to have to put up with a member of the aristocracy, and… ahhhh!"  Valjean picked up Enjolras and examined him.  

"My goodness… are you a new marvel of technology?"  Valjean began studying the clock.  "I have been away from Paris for quite some time… perhaps everyone has talking clocks nowadays."  He began poking Enjolras.

"Monsieur, put me down at once!  I will not be subject to your aristocratic practices of torture!  The revolution will prevail."

"Enjolras, you're a talking clock.  There isn't much of a way for you to participate in a revolution." Courfeyrac hopped over to Valjean.  "Is it raining outside, monsieur?  There is a puddle… of blood!  Ah, mon Dieu!  Monsieur, come warm yourself by the fire at once!  We will see to your wound immediately." 

"Merci."  Valjean wrapped his cloak tightly around his arm, and went into the den with Courfeyrac.  Valjean settled himself comfortably in an armchair by the fire.

"No, no, no!" Enjolras shrilled, hopping in after them.  "You know how depressed the 'master' gets whenever people come!  Seems to think they've all come to laugh at him.  Besides, we should be changing the political and social systems of France, not taking care of this aristocrat!"

Valjean stretched out his hands to the fire in an attempt to warm them.  A footstool came barreling past Enjolras and barked happily at Valjean.

"I'm not seeing this!  You're all traitors to the revolution and the cause!"  Enjolras began pacing in the doorway, mumbling to himself.

"Hello," Valjean greeted the footstool in surprise.  "How are you?"  By his time, Valjean was quite dizzy from lack of blood and behaving rather oddly.  The footstool barked and propped himself under Valjean's muddy boots.  The coat rack, also known as Prouvaire bowed to Valjean then calmly removed Valjean's cloak.  Joly the enchanted hand mirror hopped into the den, attempting, vainly to drag a medical bag with him.  "I wonder just how much blood I've lost," Valjean mused rather dizzily.

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about it!" the hand mirror informed him cheerfully.  "Let's see… you've stemmed the blood flow very well, but we should clean the wound and stitch it up."  Valjean noted dimly that the mirror, whenever he mentioned an object, showed a picture of said object and exactly where it was in the house.  

"All right!  I'm your leader, and I say we turn out this snooty aristocrat to the wolves!"  Enjolras picked up a little square of red fabric and began waving it around.  "We have a revolution to plan."  He was promptly run over by a tea cart.

"Bonjour monsieur!" the teapot greeted him cordially.  "Would you like a bit of tea?  And we have a bowl of clean water and some towels too… pity none us have hands."

"Not to worry Madame Fantine!" Joly said cheerfully.  "If le Bete isn't too depressed I'm sure we can persuade him to do it."

"Fantine?  I knew a Fantine," Valjean muttered absently.  "Tea sounds lovely."

Fantine smiled kindly at him, and poured tea into a teacup which promptly hopped onto Valjean's hand.  Valjean calmly sipped the tea and wasn't a bit surprised when the teacup burst into giggles.

"Madame, his beard tickles!" Gavroche the teacup laughed.  "He must be younger then I am, to still have a beard."

"None of your nonsense, Gavroche," Enjolras snapped, hopping up and toward the chair.  "I-" But whatever Enjolras was going to say was never heard, as the doors to the den were flung wide open a gust of air blew out the fire.  The hand mirror quickly hopped into a corner, the coat rack hopped to a wall, and the other household appliances sighed.

A dark figure shrouded in a large black cloak entered the room.  Wild animals prowled around him.  "There's a stranger here," the black figure stated calmly.  Courfeyrac rolled his eyes, as if to say, 'No, duh'.

"Allow me to explain, Marius," Courfeyrac began.  "You see, this gentleman was lost in the woods, so I decided that we should fix his wound because he was dripping blood everywhere…."

"Did he stain the nice Persian rug in the entrance hall?  I was always very fond of that rug."  Several wild animals snarled and began ripping the curtains in the den.  Valjean trembled due to blood loss.  "And didn't I leave Enjolras in charge?"

Enjolras smirked at Courfeyrac, who looked rather put-out.  "I wanted to throw the aristo out on his ears, but noooo, Courfeyrac wanted to help the oppressors of the people, those princes and-"

"I'm a prince," Marius stated simply.  The wild animals began shredding various pieces of furniture.  Valjean hoped his chair wasn't next.  Marius walked over to the side of Valjean's chair.  "Who are you, and why are you here?"

Valjean, very light-headed, stared blankly at Marius, who was a strange sight to behold.  Marius wore very tattered clothes; a torn shirt, a waistcoat missing buttons, a pair of mud-stained trousers and a pair of scuffed black boots.  The only decent piece of clothing he had on was the large black cape.  Marius also had a white half-mask covering his face, and tousled black hair.  Despite all this, he was rather handsome, and a regal air clung to him.

"Why are you staring?" Marius questioned sharply.  "Have you come to laugh at my clothes and castle?"  The animals began mauling everything within reach.  The hand mirror began muttering something about his health.  

"No… I… needed… a place… to stay…." Valjean felt very faint, as if each word was costing him.  "Didn't… mean… to… stare… dizzy… from… blood… loss… and… don't… know… what… am… doing…."  With that Valjean collapsed and knew no more.


	4. In Which Théodule is Muddy

"Heh!  That Cosette will get the surprise of her life," Grantaire hissed, as he and Théodule stared at the mayor's house through the bushes.  

"Yes, this will be her lucky day," Théodule agreed proudly.  He let go of the branch, which promptly hit Grantaire in the face.  Théodule then turned to the wedding party, where a majority of the town was sitting at tables and munching on bread.  The priest and several nuns, who were attending, milled about in front.

"I'd like to thank you all for attending my wedding!" Théodule announced, smoothing out his best uniform.  "But first, I'd better go in there and… propose to the girl!"

A few of the townspeople laughed.  The three waitresses were sobbing.

"You did get the mayor's permission, right?" the priest asked anxiously.  "I mean, it's perfectly all right for the girl not to know if it's arranged with the father, but if neither the father nor the daughter knows…."

"Don't worry!"  With that Théodule turned to Grantaire.  "Now, you Grantaire…."

"Let us strike up the band to make fair lady swoon with the beautiful music!"  Grantaire hiccupped.  He waved his wine bottle at the musicians, who bleated out a mournful rendition of 'Here Comes the Bride'.  

"Not yet, idiot!" Théodule shouted.  He hit Grantaire on the head with a tuba and then marched off.

Inside the house, Cosette had come in from her garden and was happily perched in an armchair, where she was absorbed in her book.  Someone banged very loudly on the door.  Cosette put down her book and scurried over to the door, hopeful that her father had come back already.  She peered out the window by the door to see… none other then Théodule, smiling in what he seemed to think was a charming manner.  Cosette sighed and Théodule pulled the door open.

"Bonjour Théodule," Cosette greeted him in a monotone and forgetting to be as cheerful and bubbly as normal.  "What a un… I mean... pleasant… surprise."

"Isn't it?" Théodule began examining the sitting room and smiled at Cosette.  "I'm just full of surprises!  You know, Cosette, there isn't a girl in town who wouldn't love to be you today!  Because today…" He paused to examine his hair in the mirror.  "Is the day when all your dreams come true."  

Cosette pushed some of her hair out of her face, absently wondering how it had gotten out of her hair ribbon.  "What do you know about my dreams, Théodule?"

Théodule threw himself into the chair Cosette had been occupying, and propped up his muddy boots on Cosette's book.  Cosette had the urge to scream, but attempted to be as polite and cheerful as ever.  "Oh, I know plenty about your dreams."  He kicked off his shoes.  Cosette noticed, with some distaste, that his socks had holes in them and that his feet smelled horrible.   

"Picture this, Cosette," he went on, wiggling his toes.  Cosette placed a gloved hand over her mouth and nose.  "A three-story house near the officer's garrison at the edge of town… my latest kill roasting on the fire, with my medals covering the walls… my little wife, massaging my feet, and our little ones, playing in front of the fire with the dogs."  Théodule stood up and leaned against the wall Cosette had backed up against.  "We'll have six or seven."

"Dogs?"

"No, Cosette!  Strapping boys, like me!  The pride of the National Guard."  

Cosette was very disturbed by the mental image she got at that statement and blushed.  "Imagine that…."  She picked up her book and put it away on the shelf.  

"And guess who my little wife will be." Théodule followed her to the bookshelf.  

"Let me think," Cosette muttered, examining the full bookshelf and turning to go across the room.

Théodule cornered her.  "You, Cosette."

Cosette panicked.  She hastily ducked under Théodule's arms and scurried away until she was backed up against the door.  "Théodule… I- I'm speechless, and I, um, I really don't k-know what to say-"

Théodule pushed several chairs and tables out of the way until he had cornered Cosette in front of the door.  "Say you'll marry me."

'_INVASION OF PERSONAL SPACE_,' Cosette thought, more panicked ten before.  She shrank up against the door and felt for the door knob.  "I-I'm very sorry Théodule, but I-I…." Oh, yes!  The door knob.  "I just don't deserve you!" She swung the door open, and Théodule tumbled out of the house into a handy patch of mud.  As an afterthought, she tossed his boots out too, and then slammed the door shut.  She noted that there was a band playing 'Here Comes the Bride', then locked all seventeen bolts on the door.

Grantaire, who was conducting the band, stopped them a moment and drank from his wine bottle.  Théodule's feet stuck out from one end of the (very deep) mud puddle, and a pig's head stuck out on the other.  Théodule pushed himself out of the mud, the pig scampering out quickly.

"So…" Grantaire asked, grinning madly.  "How'd it go?"

Théodule growled and flung Grantaire into the mud.  "I'll have Cosette as my wife!  Make no mistake."

Grantaire, celebrating that he won a bet for once, sat happily in the mud.  "Touchy."  The pig oinked in agreement.  Théodule stalked off dejectedly, wiping mud off his face.  

Cosette carefully unlocked a side-door and looked around.  A few chickens pecked around the farm.  "Is he gone?" she asked the chickens.

They squawked.  Cosette, annoyed, slammed the door shut them went about feeding the chickens.  "He asked me to **marry** him, can you believe it?" A few chickens squawked.  "Me!  The wife of that boorish, brainless…" She swung open the gate to the chicken pen and slammed it shut.  "Madame Théodule, can you just see it?  Madame Théodule, his little wife."  Cosette made a face and picked up a bag of chicken feed.  She scattered it angrily on the ground.  "Not me, no sir, I guarantee it.  I want so much more then this small town life!"  She stepped out of the chicken coup and ran out into the field by her house.  

"I want adventure out in the great wide somewhere!" she sang.  "I want it more then I can stand!  And for once it might be grand…." She sank to the ground and picked a dandelion.  "To have someone understand.  I want so much more then they've got planned."  She sighed and blew the dandelion seeds into the air.  Her musings were interrupted by an urgent whinny and a horse bursting out into the field.  

"Philippe?  Philippe, where's Papa?"  Cosette ran to the horse and grabbed the reins.  "What's happened?  Philippe, where did you leave Papa?"

Moments later, Cosette, clad in a blue riding cloak and seated side-saddle, and Philippe were riding through the forest.  Instinctively Philippe led her to the cliff.  

"Here are footprints… a piece of cloth.  These were from the candlesticks Papa always carries."  She dismounted and picked up the piece of cloth.  She clutched the reigns and they walked on to a foreboding castle and a gate.  Cosette gave a cry.  "A candlestick!"  She picked up the muddied candlestick gently and wrapped it up in the cloth, then examined the exterior of the castle.  "Papa must be in here.  But what is this place?"  

Philippe shied away.  "Shhh, shhh, Philippe, please… its okay."  She looked up at the castle.  "I hope."


	5. In Which Musichetta Appears Very Briefly

A/N: Happy birthday to Victor Hugo!  His birthday is the 26th of Febuary, as I learned to day… so happy birthday to one of the greatest literary minds of all time!  Yaaay for Victor Hugo!  And yaaay for all my loverly reviews! ^^

Inside the castle things were the same as always.  

"No, we couldn't keep quiet, could we?" Enjolras snapped, hopping indignantly around the den.  "We had to go and **help** the aristo, and get Marius so depressed that his wild animals destroyed the entire room!  And there was a nice table in here that could've been used to build a barricade."

Courfeyrac hit him over the head.  "**I** was trying to be hospitable.  Besides, the man is no aristo!"

"You're just saying that!  You've never **really** believed in the cause to begin with, did you?"  Enjolras and Courfeyrac promptly got into a strange sort of first-fight, considering that neither of them had fists.  

"Hello?" The door creaked open.   "Bonjour?  Is anyone here?" A girl in a blue riding cloak, which the reader will no doubt recognize as Cosette, stepped into the castle and shut the door closed behind her.  She was clutching the silver candlestick to her chest.  "Papa?  Papa, are you here?"

In the kitchen, things progressed as normal.  Fantine the teapot was by a tub of hot water where a few bloodied strips of cloth were soaking. 

"Madame!" Gavroche called, hopping into the kitchen.  "Madame!  There's an actual girl in the castle! One who actually has hands un-beset by arthritis like mine are."

"You don't have hands," Fantine murmured reprovingly.  She poured more hot water into the tub and several spoons attempted to stir the cloth around.  "And besides, there are no actual female humans in the castle at this time, dear."

"No, no!  There's an actual girl!  I **saw** her!"  Gavroche hopped around Fantine.  

"Of course you did," Fantine reassured him.

"Quick!" Musichetta the feather duster cried, appearing in the kitchen.  "There's a girl! I saw a girl in the castle."

"Told you!" Gavroche smirked.

Let us return to the clock and the candelabra, both of whom were still fighting.

"You irresponsible, devil- may- care, waxy-eared slack jacked idiot!" Enjolras growled as he punched Courfeyrac in the nose... or what somewhat resembled a nose.  It's very hard to determine what one's facial features is when one is a talking candlestick. 

"Papa?" Cosette called again, walking nervously towards the grand staircase.

Courfeyrac abruptly stopped fighting.  "Did you hear that?"  He hopped to the doorway.  "Look!  It's a girl!  I wonder how she feels about men who smoke…."

"You're a candelabra, you ninny!" Enjolras snapped.  "And who cares if a girl is in the castle and could quite possibly fall in love with Marius and break the curse?"

"No.  Don't you see, Enjolras?  She really could be the one!  I am getting rather tired of being an inanimate object.  There are certain benefits to being a **human** male."

"Considering she's the only human female to set foot in the castle since that Eponine girl…." Enjolras trailed off.  "Hunh.  Perhaps she is here to break the spell."

"Well, she's our only hope right now, and she's probably here for that wounded fellow.  C'mon, let's go!"  Courfeyrac hopped out of the room after Cosette.

"Hey, wait a minute!"  Enjolras hopped after him.

Cosette had walked up the stairs and into a hallway.  Courfeyrac and Enjolras quickly pushed open a door to where Valjean was being kept.   

Cosette turned around quickly at the squeak of the door opening.  "Papa?  Papa?"  Cosette walked into the new hallway nervously.  "Hello?  Is someone here?"  

Enjolras and Courfeyrac began hopping up the stairs with some difficulty.  

"Wait!  I'm looking for my father!" Cosette practically ran up the stairs.

"Oh, good… she's following us," Courfeyrac hissed, hoping into an alcove.  Enjolras shot Courfeyrac a dirty look and hid behind a tapestry. 

Cosette paused a moment and looked around in bewilderment.  "That's funny… I'm sure there was someone…." She cupped her hands around her mouth.  "Is there anyone here?"  Apparently no one.  Her voice echoed ominously in the stone corridor though.  She glanced around again and distinctly heard a soft "Cosette?"

"Papa!" Cosette raced up the stairs as fast as her full skirt and petticoats would allow.  She burst into a well- lit and comfortable room where her father was laying on a bed.  His right arm was well-bandaged.  "Oh, Papa!"  She sat on the edge of the bed and took one of her father's hands in her own gloved hands.  

"How did you find me?" Valjean questioned woozily.  

She quickly studied Valjean's wrapped wounds and pulled off her riding gloves.  She held the gloves in one hand, and felt his forehead with the other.  "Oh, Papa!  You're burning up!  We've got to get you to a doctor!"          

Valjean attempted to prop himself up on the bed.  "Cosette, leave this place.  I need you to go."

"Who… or what… has done this to you?"  She glanced over to the table near the bed where she found a bowl of cool water and a cloth.  She quickly got up, and with a sort of rapid, bird-like movement, dipped the facecloth in the water, wrung it out, and began wiping her father's forehead with it.  

"No… time to explain," he muttered closing his eyes and shivering.  "You must leave… now…."

"Don't be silly Papa," Cosette whispered, her hands trembling.  "I won't leave you."  Just then, Cosette felt a hand on her shoulder.  The owner of the hand forcefully turned her around.  Cosette stared up into the face of a man dressed in a large black cloak and a white half-mask.  Her heart began to speed up.

"Who are you?" the man asked softly.  "Why are you here?  Have you come to laugh at me too?"  Wild animals began materializing in the room.  Several of them began shredding a tapestry situated outside of the room, and someone screamed and there were sounds of footsteps.  Cosette and the man were distracted by this a moment, but then they turned back to each other.  

"Run…" Valjean advised his daughter weakly.

"W-who are you?" Cosette stammered, twisting her gloves around and looking away.

The man took her chin in his thumb and forefingers.  "I am the master of this castle.  Who are you?"  The wild animals growled in the background.

Cosette desperately wished he would move his fingers.  She felt decidedly odd when she looked him straight in the eyes.  "I have come for my father.  Please… let him go home!  He needs a doctor."  She turned away abruptly, and her head was free once more.  "Can't you see he's ill?"

"We are taking care of him," the man muttered softly, pacing around the room.  The animals were still ripping things in the hallway, but there seemed to be more of them.  "Besides, I have invited him to stay for however long I please.  It would be rude of him to leave now."

Cosette jerkily picked up the cloth and began sponging off her father's forehead.  "Please," she whispered brokenly.  "There must me something…"  She looked up and the man turned to leave.  

"Wait!" she cried.  "I- I'll stay here in his place!"

The man stopped and turned.  The animals quieted or somehow managed to disappear.  "You… would stay in his place?"

"It's what she said," Courfeyrac the candlestick muttered.

"Cosette, no!" Valjean sat up.  "You don't know what you're doing.  Any number of things could happen to you." 

Cosette ignored them both.  "But if I did stay… you promise you would let him go?"

The man considered this a moment.  "Yes… but you must be a guest in my household for however long I please." 

"Take the mask off," Cosette requested quietly.

"I can't."  The wild animals leapt into the room and tore an armchair to shreds.  Cosette shrank as far away from them as she could.

Valjean grabbed Cosette by the shoulders.  "No Cosette!  You mustn't!  I can't let you do this."

Cosette hugged her father tightly, then stood up and approached the man.  "You… you have my word."  She looked up at him with wide eyes.  The man stared at her oddly, as if Cosette was something remarkable, and Cosette quickly looked away… all the while twisting her gloves around.  

"Fine," the man said quickly.  Cosette continued twisting her gloves around and walked back to her father.

"No, Cosette… you can't do this.  I'm old!  I've lived my life…"  He weakly attempted to hug Cosette. 

The man in the mask quickly picked up Valjean, ruining any chance father and daughter had for one last embrace, and several wild animals carried the ex-convict down the stairs.

"No, wait!" Cosette called, rushing after them.  "Please!"

"Cosette!" Valjean called weakly.

"Papa!" Cosette cried.  She attempted to get out of the room, but the door swung shut of seemingly its own accord.  "Papa!"  Cosette banged on the door, sobbing, and slid to the floor.  

"No, please… spare my daughter… my poor Cosette…."  The wild animals threw Valjean into a horseless carriage in the stables by the nervous Philippe.

"She's no concern of yours," the man, who we will now call Marius, for that was his name, informed Valjean harshly.  He slammed the door to the carriage shut.  "Take him to the village!"  The carriage rolled away quickly, bearing a protesting Valjean. 


	6. In Which Marius Finds a Handkerchief

A/N:  Short chapter, sorry, but more will come very soon!

Marius, accompanied by a multitude of wild animals, which were destroying everything in sight again, stormed back into the castle and up the stairs.

"Marius!" 

Marius turned and the animals around him growled.  

Courfeyrac glared at him.  "Marius, did it ever occur to you that because the girl… Cosette, was it?  Well, because the girl will be staying with us for some time, you might want to offer her a more comfortable room."  He winked.  "If you, uh… know what I mean."

"No it didn't," Marius muttered bitterly.  "Because I am an idiot."  The animals began shredding things.

"That's excusable," Courfeyrac muttered hurriedly as what appeared to be a bear appeared.  "But still… you might just want to, uh… look into a new room…."

Marius stormed up the steps and flung the door to the room open.  Cosette had collapsed on the bed.  She didn't even look up when the door opened.    

"You didn't give us a chance to say goodbye…." she whispered tearfully.  "Will I ever be able to see my father again?"

Marius ignored her question and looked away.  It pained him to see Cosette in tears, for some odd, unexplainable reason.  "I'll show you to your room."

"My room?  But I thought I…."  Cosette trailed off and smoothed down the sheets of the bed.  "Never mind."

"Do you want to stay here?" Marius asked confusedly.  "You can if you want, but I thought you'd want-"

"Its fine," Cosette said quietly.  She pulled a handkerchief out of her pocket and wiped her eyes.  She stuffed it loosely back in the pocket of her cloak and stood up.

Marius shrugged, and the wild animals around his feet milled about, slowly disappearing.  "Follow me."  He picked up Courfeyrac to use as a light source and walked on.  Cosette followed, keeping her eyes down and looking desperately unhappy.  A tear trickled down her cheek into her hair, which had escaped from its hair ribbon yet again.  

"Say something to her," Courfeyrac hissed not unkindly.  

"Uh… I, uh… hope you like it here."  He glanced at Courfeyrac, who was nodding encouragingly.  "The… the castle is your home now.  You can go anywhere you want but the west wing."

Cosette looked up.  "The west wing?  What's in the-"      

"It's forbidden!" Marius said sharply.  A wolf materialized next to him.  Cosette shrank away, but reluctantly kept following.  They soon reached a large room.  Marius flung the door open impassively.  "This is your room."  

Cosette twisted up her riding gloves and peered anxiously into the room.  She looked extremely nervous, and more then a little scared.  She bit her lip, and Marius couldn't help but notice that Cosette had never looked prettier.   

Marius felt an entirely different feeling then he had ever felt before, like a stabbing pain in his chest.  '_Perhaps I shouldn't eat sweets before becoming depressed and angry,_' he thought absently.  "Now, if there's anything you need, one of the servants, or one of my friends, will help you."  

Cosette nodded and stepped into the room very tentatively. 

"Ask her to dinner," Courfeyrac advised.

"And… dinner is… soon.  You'll be joining me?" He was hopeful.

"Um…" Cosette murmured quietly.  She refused to look him in the eye.

"It wasn't a question," he snapped, feeling the stabbing pain again.  '_Am I that repulsive?_' he thought disgustedly. '_Must she look away to keep from laughing at me_?'  Several animals appeared again.  He slammed the door shut.  Courfeyrac held his head in his hands and sighed.  Inside the room, Cosette collapsed and the bed and cried bitterly.

          Marius walked away angrily and noticed the Cosette had dropped her handkerchief on the floor.  He pocketed it quickly and noted the initials, 'U.F.' embroidered on the handkerchief.  

          '_She must be named Ursula_,' he thought to himself.  '_Hunh.  I thought her father called her 'Colette' or something to that extent.  Oh well._'  He stalked off to a different, un-destroyed den and sat to wait for dinner.  He never once let go of the handkerchief.   


	7. In Which Combeferre Eats Dinner

Back at the tavern, Grantaire was having a wonderful time spending all the money he had won in the bet.  So far he'd had three very good bottles of wine.  And the company….

"Who does she think she is?!" Théodule demanded.  

Could have been much, much better, Grantaire deduced as he steadily became drunker.

"That girl has tangled with the wrong man!  No one says 'no' to Théodule!"  Grantaire got up and staggered over to Théodule's seat by the fire.  

Grantaire tried very hard to think of something that did not include dead Greek philosophers.  "Darn right!" he shouted after a moment.  He began drinking from a mug of beer and snagged another for later.

"Dismissed, rejected!"  He grabbed both mugs from Grantaire and hurled them against the wall.  Grantaire sulked.  "Publicly humiliated!  Why, it's more then I can bear!"  He turned his chair away from Grantaire.

"More beer?" Grantaire questioned hopefully, mishearing him.

Théodule turned his chair to face the rest of the tavern.  "What for?  Nothing helps!  I'm disgraced!"

Grantaire snagged a bottle of absinthe off a nearby table and downed it in one gulp.  Felling rather overtly inebriated, he staggered over to Théodule.  "Who you?  Théodule, you've got to pull yourself together!"  He took a deep breath then began to sing and dance around.  We must stress that Grantaire is extremely drunk.  "Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Théodule, to see you so down in the dumps!"  He fell over backwards onto a table.  "Every guy here'd love to be you Théodule, even when you're taking your lumps!"  

The people sitting at the table, who were about as drunk as Grantaire, cheered and raised their mugs of beer.  

"There's no man in town more admired then you… you're everyone's favorite guy.  Everyone's awed and inspired by you, and it's not hard to see why!  No one's slick as Théodule, no one's quick as Théodule!"  At this, Grantaire staggered over to a man at the bar and stole the man's belt.  The man's pants promptly fell down, and Grantaire jumped up and wrapped the belt around Théodule's neck.  Théodule, annoyed, flexed his neck muscles and the belt burst, inspiring the next line by Grantaire.

"No one's neck is as incredibly thick as Théodule!  For there's no one in town quite as manly… he's perfect… a pure paragon!"  Grantaire hiccupped and downed another mug of beer.  "You can ask any Marc, Jacque or… STANLEY!  Whose bulging biceps are a sight to behold?"  He danced back to the table, where the other drunken guys joined in the song.

"No… one's big like Théodule, a king- pin like Théodule," they slurred.

"No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Théodule!" Grantaire remarked, swinging a refilled mug of beer around.

"As a specimen, yes I'm intimidating," Théodule admitted humbly.

"Oh my, what a guy, that Théodule!" the drunk guys sang.  "Give five hurrahs, give twelve hip-hips!"

"Gaston is the best," Grantaire sang sarcastically, flinging about his beer mug so that Théodule was accidentally covered in beer.  "And the rest is just drips!"  Théodule punched Grantaire in the face.  

"No one fights like Théodule!"

Théodule, to prove this, got into a fight with a bunch of drunken patrons.  

"Douses lights like Théodule!" a member of the bar brawl slurred.  "And in a wrestling match nobody bites like Théodule."  

"For there's no one as burly and brawny," the waitresses sighed, all swooning together on a bench.  Théodule extracted himself from the fight and lifted the bench up, to the delight of the waitresses.

"As you see, I have biceps to spare," he bragged.

"Not a bit of him straggly or scrawny… I think," Grantaire muttered, suddenly very disturbed with the mental image he got. 

"That's right!" Théodule affirmed, not hearing the last part of Grantaire's statement.  "And every last bit of me is covered with hair!"  He ripped open his shirt and the waitresses swooned again, much to the annoyance of the innkeeper.  

"No one hits like Théodule, matches wits like Théodule!" the drunken guys yelled. 

"In a spitting match, nobody spits like Théodule!" Grantaire exclaimed as he began drinking another bottle of wine.

"Yes, I'm especially good at expectorating," Théodule boasted.  He bit off a piece of a belt and spit it out so that it had a lamp, a rafter, and finally it landed perfectly in a spittoon, which Grantaire promptly knocked over. 

"Ten points for Théodule!" the drunk patrons chorused.

Théodule picked up a basket of peeled hardboiled eggs and began juggling them.  "When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs every morning to help me get large.  And now that I'm grown, I eat five dozen eggs, so that I'm roughly the size of a barge!"  He neatly swallowed the eggs whole, and the waitresses sighed again.  Grantaire, now much drunker then before, attempted to do the same trick as Théodule, only to find that the eggs he had been juggling with were unpeeled, uncooked eggs, all of which promptly smashed on his face.

"No one shoots like Théodule!" the drunken guys sang hopefully.  Obligingly, Théodule picked up his gun and shot the barrel of beer so that no one had to bother with using the tap.  "Gets those beauts like Théodule!"

"Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Théodule," Grantaire shouted as Théodule went clunking back to his chair.

"I use my medals in all of my decorating!" Théodule boasted, gesturing to the back wall of the tavern, which was covered with shiny medals and other sorts of trophies.  

"My what a guy… THÉODULE!"  The drunken guys attempted to lift up Théodule's chair and failed.  They then collapsed on the floor and passed out.

Valjean suddenly burst into the tavern.  "H- help!" he panted.  "I need a doctor!"  With that, he collapsed on the floor.  The doctor, a man named Combeferre, who was a rather sad fellow who kept to himself since all of his friends but Grantaire disappeared, was at the tavern eating dinner.

"Let's see what's going on!"  Combeferre, who always carried his medical bag with him, rushed over to Valjean and began to check what was wrong with the mayor.  "He has a fever!" Combeferre announced.  "And some sort of scar on his chest… it says… 24601… I hope the mayor hasn't been tortured!"

"I don't have a fever," Valjean muttered thickly.  "And my daughter's been kidnapped."

Théodule snorted.  "Yeah.  Right." 

"No really. He's got her!"  He pushed away Combeferre, who was attempting to take Valjean's temperature.  "One they call… le Bete!"

"A Beast, monsieur le maire?" the innkeeper questioned.

"No, no, far worse!  An… idiot!"

The tavern collectively blinked.  "O…kay," they chorused.

"I think the mayor is delusional," Combeferre determined.  "I'm going to take him to the hospital.  Would someone please give me a hand?"  Combeferre and a random traveler, whom we will call Percy because the authoress is exceedingly fond of the name 'Percy', took the mayor to the hospital.

"A tattoo… 24601…" Théodule mused very pensively. "Grantaire, I'm afraid I've been thinking," he sang.

"For you… a dangerous pastime-"

"I know! But that eccentric man is Cosette's father.  And of his background we do not know….  Now the wheels in my head have been turning, since I looked at that benevolent old man.  See, I betted you that I'd marry Cosette, and right now I'm evolving a plan!"

Théodule yanked Grantaire over.  "If I…" Théodule's voice faded into a whisper.

"Yes?" prompted Grantaire.

"Then, you…" Here again, whispers.  

"No… would she?"

More whispering.  "…GUESS!"

"Now I get it."  

"Let's go!" they both shouted.  Grantaire and Théodule began waltzing around the room, singing.  They usually got this drunk every other night or so, and so this was not strange to the villagers.  

"No one plots like Théodule, takes cheap shots like Théodule!" Grantaire exclaimed.  "Gets to tie the mayor's life into knots like Théodule!"  

"Soon his marriage we'll be celebrating!" the drunken guys exclaimed, having lost the thread of conversation quite a long time ago.  "My, what a guy… that Théodule!"  

"Does no one believe me?" Valjean moaned.

"I think he's delirious… we'd best give him a sedative."  Combeferre carefully measured out the medicine.  "Would someone send word to his daughter?"

"She's been taken by le Bete…" he muttered.

"Of course," the nurse murmured gently.

"Hmmm," Combeferre said.  


	8. In Which the Wardrobe Talks with a Stutt...

Back in the castle, Cosette had stooped crying and was sitting rather forlornly on the bed, huddled up to take up a little space as possible, a skill she had learned with the Thénariders.  Though now, she was too upset to think of where she had learned the skill before.

Someone knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" she whispered.  She quickly stood up and walked to the door. 

"Madame Fantine, cheri.  I've got tea." Cosette opened the door to reveal a tea set hopping into the room.  Cosette was amazed, as normally, tea sets did not hop into rooms or speak flawless French.

"But you… I… uh…"  She backed up into the wardrobe.

"Oof," the wardrobe said.  "C-c-careful."

Cosette, startled, tumbled back onto the bed.  "This…" she muttered.  "This is impossible."  Wardrobes, as far as Cosette knew, did not talk with stutters or be even remotely animate.  This was utterly baffling to poor Cosette, who was still upset over the loss of her father and her freedom, and whatnot.

The wardrobe hopped over, something else most wardrobes did not do.  "I k-know it is, b-but h-here we are.  T-this is an odd c-castle."

"Told you she had nice hands Madame Fantine," Gavroche whispered as tea, cream, and sugar was poured into him.  The sugar bowl and cream pitcher did these things themselves, which cream pitchers and sugar bowls did not normally do.

"They are lovely," Fantine said in a comforting manner.  "And you have very pretty eyes.  They remind me of my little girl's... I don't know what happened to her."

"Thank you."  Cosette picked up Gavroche and attempted to figure out how to drink the tea out of him.  Tea cups did not usually speak with Cockney accents, especially if they were French, and Cosette was sure she was violating some branch of etiquette by drinking tea out of him.  She settled for just staring at the tea-cup in confusion.

"Psst… mademoiselle," Gavroche hissed. "You want to see me do a trick?"  With that he hopped out of her hands and performed a double somersault, all without spilling a drop of tea. Tea cups, Cosette was sure, did not do double somersaults, as most tea cups Cosette knew were made out of china and were completely inanimate.  But this did appear to be quite an unordinary castle….

"Gavroche!" Fantine yelled in alarm.  "Don't do that.  You could have been hurt, or spilled tea all over… what was your name, dear?"

"Cosette."

Fantine's eyes widened.  "Cosette, you say?"

Cosette, puzzled, nodded.  She had never seen a teapot's eyes widen before, and it was an extremely interesting sight.  Cosette began to think she had, perhaps, gone insane with grief or something.  She shrugged it off and decided that the villagers had known she was crazy for months, and that it was bound to happen sooner or later.    

"There's probably no chance… but, that was a brave thing you did, staying here."

"W-we all th-think th- that," the wardrobe stammered.

Cosette, still puzzled, shrugged.  "I suppose… but I don't know if I'll ever see my father again.  And what of the rest of my life?  Am I to stay here forever?  I don't even know."

"Cheer up, my dear!  I'm sure things will turn out all right in the end."  Fantine paused.  "Just out of curiosity, is your father, by chance, the mayor of Montreuil - sur- mer?  And is your real name Eurphrasie?"

Cosette nodded, amazed and bemused.  "Yes.  How did you know?"

Fantine beamed.  "I'm your mother!"

Cosette rubbed her eyes.  "My mother… is a talking teapot?"

"I wasn't always this way!  To support you, I came to work here, and the mayor was kind enough to go and get you as soon as I got a job.  But then… the castle just seemed to disappear from everyone's memory.  Another effect of the spell, I suppose.  So monsieur le maire has raised you for me!"  Fantine was absolutely delighted.  "Ah, but here I am, going on like this when I still have to make sure dinner is ready.  Au revoir, ma petite!"  Fantine hopped off happily, followed by Gavroche, the cream pitcher, and the sugar bowl.

"Good bye, maman," Cosette called, still trying to figure out what Fantine had just said.  The strange thing was that the story made perfect sense to her (especially the part about the spell, as it also meant that she had not gone completely insane).  "Perhaps I shouldn't read so many fairy tales…."

The wardrobe looked at her oddly, and then decided it didn't want to know.  "S-so mademoiselle, l-let's s-s-see wh- what w-we sh-should d-dress you in f-for d-dinner."  The doors opened, and a bunch of moths flew out.  "Oh d-dear!  H-how em-embarrassing!"  She quickly shut her doors then reopened them.  Using one door as an arm, the wardrobe somehow managed to pull a very pretty (though low-cut) red dress out and offer it to Cosette.  "Ah!  Th- there.  Y-you'll l-look r-ravishing in th- this one!"

Cosette smiled wanly, still confused, and puzzling over the spell Fantine had mentioned, which obviously turned everyone in the castle into talking objects.  "That's very kind of you, but I don't think I'll be going to dinner."

"Oh!  B-but y-you m-must!" the wardrobe insisted.  "As s-surely as m-my n-name is T-Toussaint, y-you m-must g-go to d-dinner."

The door opened again.

"Excuse me mademoiselle," Enjolras the talking clock muttered glumly, "but against my will I am bid to tell you come down to dinner."


	9. In Which Courfeyrac Gives Dating Advice

Let us leave this scene a moment to go check on le Bete, that is, to say, the idiot.  Marius was standing in front of the fire, and Courfeyrac and Fantine waiting on the mantelpiece above.  

"What is taking so long?" Marius finally asked, pulling a handkerchief out of his pocket.  "Perhaps she refuses to come down for fear that she will choke on her food because she is laughing too hard at my shabby clothing."  A couple of wildcats appeared and began ripping up the carpet.  Marius scowled at the handkerchief.

"I'm sure that isn't the case," Fantine reassured him hurriedly.  "My Cosette, she's my daughter, you know, is probably changing.  Besides, it's been a long day.  She's probably very tired and uh… moving slowly?"  Marius nodded, as if this somehow made sense to him.

Courfeyrac cleared his throat impatiently.  "Uh… Marius, did it ever occur to you that this Cosette might be the one to break the spell?"

Marius paused and looked up.  "That **had** occurred to me… I'm not a complete idiot, despite my nickname."

Courfeyrac sighed in relief.  "Oh good.  You fall in love with her; she falls in love with you, and poof!  The spell is broken.  We could be human again by midnight."  He leaned back and grinned.

Fantine glared at the candlestick.  "Courfeyrac!  It's not that simple.  These things take time." She attempted to shake her head and failed, as she didn't have an actual head.

"But the rose has already begun to wilt!" Courfeyrac protested.  "I, for one, miss the advantages of being human."  He winked at Fantine.  "If you know what I mean."

Fantine blushed.  It was very odd to see a blushing teapot, Marius noted while studying the handkerchief.

"It's no use, though," Marius muttered, sinking into his chair.  The wildcats began to rip the hearth rug in half.  "She's… so utterly beautiful.  And I'm… well… look at me!"  Marius gestured to his clothes with the handkerchief.

"For the last time, she won't laugh at your clothes!  And despite what you may think, you're still very handsome, despite the mask that covers most of your face… and the dirt… and the clothes… and the wild animals…." Fantine trailed off.

"Maybe you should get her to see past all that instead," Courfeyrac suggested. 

Marius stared at the fire, unconsciously tightening his grip on the handkerchief.  A vulture swooped into the room and began ripping up a book.  "I don't know how." 

Fantine and Courfeyrac exchanged despairing looks.

"Well… you could start by making yourself more presentable… not about the clothes I mean.  Just have good posture, and try to act like a gentleman."  Fantine hopped around the top of the fireplace nervously.  The vulture disappeared, and Marius stood up.  

"Ah yes!"  Courfeyrac hopped off the top of the fireplace to a nearby table.  "And when she comes in, give her a dashing, debonair smile!" Marius smiled charmingly, though one of the wildcats yowled rather alarmingly.

"And don't frighten the poor girl!" Fantine added quickly, jumping to the table.  

"Impress her with your rapier wit, then," Courfeyrac suggested sarcastically.  Marius frowned, and several more animals began shredding up the carpet.  

"But be gentle," Fantine suggested, shooting a glare at Courfeyrac.

"Shower her with complements!" Courfeyrac exclaimed.

"But be sincere!"  Fantine admonished, not yet over the fact that Cosette was her daughter.

"And above all…"

"Don't sink into seemingly random fits of anger and depression!" 

"I can't really control that, you know."  

The door creaked open.  Marius looked expectantly to the door, and half the animals in the room vanished.  He stuffed the handkerchief into his pocket.

"Here she comes!" Courfeyrac whispered.

Enjolras walked through the door, looking rather put out.  

The smile vanished from Marius's face.  "Well?"

"Well what?" Enjolras snapped.  He was not in a good mood.  

"Where is she?"

"Who?  Oh!  The girl."

"Cosette," Fantine interjected.  "Though her actual name is Eurphrasie."

Marius frowned, and what appeared to be a rabid hyena began tearing apart some sofa cushions.  Marius pulled the handkerchief out of his pocket and looked at it oddly.  

"Well.  I told you all, didn't I?  I told you not to send me, but nooo, you had to go and torment the leader of the revolution, now didn't you, by making him go and escort a girl!  Well, I'm telling you how well that worked out!"

"More telling, less talking," Courfeyrac muttered.  One of the wild cats was eyeing him suspiciously.

"Well," Enjolras said disdainfully.  "She's not coming."

"What?!"  Marius was suddenly angered out of his depression.  The animals vanished, one of the nuances of the spell being that Marius had to be both **depressed** and **angry** at the same time for the animals to appear.  You'd be surprised how frequently that was.  Marius barreled up the stairs, everyone else hopping behind.

"I thought you were going to come to dinner," Marius hissed once he got to the door.  He was that angry.  All his hopes up and whatnot, and turns out she appears to hate him.  The animals began to reappear again.

"I'm not hungry, monsieur," Cosette called politely.  "I'm sure you understand."

"Come out!  Come out right now, or, or… I'll set the animals on you!"

"Marius," Courfeyrac moaned, despairing of ever becoming human again.  "That's not how you go about wooing a fair damsel.  You do not threaten her with violence."

"It's not polite," Fantine chimed in primly.

"Attempt to be human," Enjolras added, feeling very put-out indeed.

"But she's being so difficult!" Marius whispered back heatedly.

"Gently, gently," Fantine reminded him.

"Will you come down to dinner?" Marius asked quietly.

"No monsieur, and I thank you for your invitation."

Marius looked at the group of, um… talking objects, looking very frustrated.  The pack of wild animals began destroying things again.  

"Suave!" Courfeyrac cried desperately.  "Be genteel!"

Marius sighed, and bowed to the door.  In his formalist, loftiest tones, he murmured, "It would give me great please if you would join me for dinner."

"We say 'please', Fantine muttered.

"Please," Marius added through clenched teeth.

"Thank you again monsieur, but the answer has been and continues to be no!"  Cosette sounded angry.

Marius was equally angry, though he was also quite depressed.  "Fine!  Go ahead and **starve** if my looks repel you that much."  Marius stormed off, the pack of animals loping along with him.  He slammed the door to his room so that a bit of ceiling fell down and hit Enjolras on the head.  

"Oh dear…" Fantine sighed. "That didn't go well at all."

Enjolras rubbed his head wrathfully and glared at the door.  "Women.  Well, Courfeyrac, stand guard here and inform me if there is the slightest change.  She is to be our prisoner."

Courfeyrac rolled his eyes.  "You can count on me, mon capitan." 

"We should go downstairs and help clean up," Enjolras muttered.  "This is a republic… we can't let just a few people do all the work and have the rest of us sit around and do nothing."

"Enjolras, this is a monarchy," Courfeyrac reminded him.

"Shut up, candlestick," Enjolras snapped.  "Let's go."

Indeed, let us go back to le Bete, who was storming around his chambers angrily, and the wild animals that were destroying his furniture.    

"I ask nicely… she refuses!  What a- am I that repelling?"  He threw himself dejectedly into an armchair, and a few wolves began ripping up a few throw rugs.  Marius picked up the magic mirror called Joly from his table.  "Show me the girl, please, Joly."

"Can do!"  Joly flashed green a moment, and then showed Cosette huddled under her cloak and talking to Toussaint, the dresser.  

"W-why, l-le B-Bete isn't s-so b-bad once y-you g-get t-to kn-know h-him," Toussaint in the mirror stuttered.

Cosette was obviously still upset over the loss of her father.  "I don't want to get to know him!  I don't want to have anything to do with him!"

Marius felt the stabbing pain in his chest more severely then ever.  He gently placed Joly down on the table and huddled in the armchair.  The animals slowly vanished.  "I'm just fooling myself… she's so… amazing, yet she'll never see me other then an **idiot** to laugh at."  A petal fell off the rose and Marius pulled the handkerchief Cosette had dropped (and in all likelihood sewed and definitely used) out of his pocket and stared at it sadly.  "It's hopeless."


	10. In Which the Cutlery Dances

Cosette quietly pushed the door open and walked down the hallway.  As she passed, she noticed three points of light behind the curtain to a window.

"Oh, no," Musichetta giggled.  "Courfeyrac, I have a boyfriend!"

"Oh, yes!  Who cares about Joly?"

"Oh, no!"

"Oh, yes, yes, yes!"

Courfeyrac and Musichetta tumbled out from behind the curtain.  "I've been burnt by you before, Courfeyrac!"

Courfeyrac took her in his arms then bent her backwards.  Then he noticed Cosette walking uncertainly down the hallway and dropped Musichetta.

"Oof!"  

"Zut alors, she has emerged!" Courfeyrac dashed away as fast as he could, uh… hop.  He didn't have legs, you see, which was kind of a problem when one needs to move quickly.  

In the kitchen, everyone was cleaning up the failed dinner.

"Gavroche, time for bed," Fantine murmured.  "Into the cupboard with you."

"Ah, but I could stay up all day and dance," Gavroche yawned.  "I'm not the least bit sleepy."

"Yes, you are, dear."  Fantine nudged him into the cupboard.

"No… I'm… not…." With that, Gavroche fell fast asleep, and Fantine shut the cupboard door.  The stove began banging pots and pans around angrily.

"I work and slave all day, and for what?" Bahorel, who had been turned into a stove, groused.  "A culinary masterpiece, gone to waste."

"Stop your grousing," Fantine soothed calmly.  "It's been a long night for all of us."

"Well, if you ask me, this whole 'curse' thing is stupid," Enjolras snapped.  He was attempting to write something using a quill which was larger then he was.  "I mean, who cares about love?  And why do all of our fates have to be decided on something as fickle as a woman's affections?"

"Shush!" Fantine snapped, suddenly very angry.  "Love is one of the most wonderful things on God's green Earth.  It would make sense that love would break the sp-" At that moment, Cosette had entered the kitchen.

"Splendid to see you, mademoiselle," Enjolras interrupted before Fantine could say, 'spell'.  Courfeyrac came running in.  "I am Enjolras, student leader of the revolution, though at the moment I am a talking clock.  I have no doubt that this situation will be remedied soon, but in the meantime, it is pleasant to see you."  Courfeyrac skidded in front of him and took Cosette's hand.  "And this is Courfeyrac, who has abandoned Patria and the revolution."

Courfeyrac glared at Enjolras, then bent and kissed Cosette's hand.  "Enchante, chéri."

Enjolras attempted to pull Courfeyrac away from Cosette's hand.  "If there's anything… stop that… that we can… please!" He finally shoved Courfeyrac to the side.  "If there's anything we can do to make your stay more comfortable in the way of revolutions to change the government of Fr- ow!" Courfeyrac had burnt Enjolras's hand yet again.

"Um… I'm all right in the way of the government," Cosette murmured quietly.  "But I am a little hungry.  And I could use some tea."

Fantine was ecstatic.  "Do you hear that?  My daughter's hungry!  Stoke the fire, break out the silverware, and wake the china!"  Bahorel began heating up the pots on the stove, and the silverware and china began to roll into the dining room. 

"I don't think she can eat that much," Enjolras hissed, glaring at Bahorel after noting Cosette's slight figure.

"Pish posh!" Fantine retorted merrily.  "I'm not about to let the poor child go hungry!"

Enjolras sighed.  "This food could be better used feeding hungry revolutionaries at barricades… or the money spent in making the dinner could've been used to buy powder and bullets…"

"Enjolras!  Look at the poor girl.  She is obviously one of _les miserables_… the miserable and oppressed!  We must make her feel welcome here, as, ah… society has obviously repressed her."  Courfeyrac grinned charmingly up at Cosette and bowed at the door.  "Right this way mademoiselle."  

"Well keep it down," Enjolras grumbled, looking surly.  "If we upset Marius again, we'll be cleaning up for weeks, and that time could be better spent planning revolutions."

"Of course, of course," Courfeyrac assured him airily.  "But what's dinner without a little music?"  He opened the door, and Cosette walked through amusedly.  Courfeyrac hopped after her, letting the door conveniently swing into Enjolras, who flew backwards into a bowl of batter.  

"MUSIC?" Enjolras roared as he soared through the air.

Cosette paid no attention to this, not being able to hear him.  She was standing at the head of a large wooden table, utterly enchanted by the dining room and talking objects in the castle.  Courfeyrac was standing in the middle of the table in a spotlight and holding a match and the cap used to put out candle-flames.  

"Ma cher mademoiselle, it is with deepest pride and pleasure that I welcome you tonight."  He smiled charmingly at her and flipped the 'hat' onto his head.  "And now, we invite you to relax.  Let us pull up a chair…."  A chair hopped forward, and Cosette tumbled backwards into it.  "As the dining room proudly presents… your dinner."  Courfeyrac hopped over to a bunch of covered dishes and the spotlight moved with him.  

Courfeyrac cleared his throat and began to sing.  "Be… our… guest!  Be our guest!  Put our service to the test.  Tie your napkin round your neck cherie, and we provide the rest."

At this, Cosette's chair attempted to tie a napkin around her neck.  Cosette gently pulled it out of the arms of the chair and spread it out on her lap.  The chair put its 'hands' where its waist would have been as if to say, "Well!" Cosette was extremely amused by it.

Courfeyrac continued on, carrying around a tray full of hors d'oeuvres. "Soup de jour, our hors d'oevres… why we only live to serve!"  He offered the tray to Cosette, who was mystified by a soup tureen which was pouring hot tomato basil soup into a bowl.  "Try the grey stuff: it's delicious!"  Cosette hesitantly scooped a finger-full off a cracker.  

"Don't believe me?" Courfeyrac accused.  "Ask the dishes."  The dishes rolled out and began to perform an elaborate dance around a bunch of forks that were built in the style of the Eiffel Tower.  As the Eiffel Tower had not been built yet, it was not recognized by Cosette, who merely thought that that was the easiest way for the forks to arrange some sort of shape.  "They can sing, they can dance… after all miss, this is France!  And a dinner here is **never** second best!  Go on, unfold your menu, and then you'll be our guest, oui our guest, be our guest!"

Plates of food started waltzing by.  "Beef ragout, cheese soufflé, pie and pudding en flambé!"  At this, a tray of pudding with a very indignant Enjolras stuck in the middle came by.  Courfeyrac set the pudding on fire just for the fun of seeing Enjolras yelp and run out of the pudding to try and literally submerse himself in a glass of wine. 

"We'll prepare and serve with flair," Courfeyrac sang on gleefully.  "A culinary cabaret!  You're all alone, and you're scared, but the banquet's all prepared! But no one's gloomy or complaining while the flatware's entertaining!"  The spoons began a strange synchronized swimming routine in a bowl of punch.  Cosette laughed and was absolutely delighted by their performance.

The plate Courfeyrac was standing on in the middle of the punch bowl shot up on a stream of punch as he began to juggle his candlesticks around.  "We tell jokes; I do tricks, with my fellow candlesticks-"

A couple mugs filled with an unknown frothy beverage burst onto the scene and began doing an acrobatic routine.  "And it's all in perfect taste; that you can bet!"

"Come on and lift your glass, you've won your own free pass, to be our guest, be our guest, be our guest!" Everyone sang as they danced around the table.

"If you're stressed, it's fine dining we suggest," Courfeyrac added, twirling back to the center of the table.  

"Be our guest, be our guest, be our guest!" everyone chorused.  Then they cleared the table, and Enjolras was left standing center stage, in the spotlight.  He smiled nervously and attempted to edge away.

"Live is so unnerving, for a servant who's not serving," Courfeyrac sang mournfully, dragging Enjolras back into the spotlight.  

"We serve no one but France," Enjolras snapped.

"We're not whole without a soul to wait upon," Courfeyrac continued, maintaining a firm grip on Enjolras's arm.

"Get off!"

"Ah, those good old days when we were useful…" Snow began to fall.  Confused, Enjolras looked up to see the salt and pepper shakers shaking away.  He sighed.

"Suddenly those good old days are gone.  Eight years we've been rusting, needing so much more then dusting… needing exercise, a chance to use our skills.  Most days we just laze around the castle…."  Courfeyrac dusted the salt off Enjolras's head.  Enjolras looked as if he were slowly being killed.  He attempted to scurry away, but tripped and landed face- first in a gelatin mold.  Technically, that hadn't been around in nineteenth century France either, but this was an odd enchanted castle. 

"Flabby, fat, and lazy, but you walked in and oops- a- daisy!"  Courfeyrac jumped onto a spoon protruding out of the gelatin mold, and Enjolras went flying back into the kitchen.

Fantine was surrounded by soap bubbles and hopping happily around the kitchen.  "It's a guest, it's a guest… sakes alive, and I'll be blessed!  Wine's been poured, and thank the Lord; I've had the napkins freshly pressed!"  She began dancing around the kitchen with the napkins and the teacups.  "With dessert, she'll want tea, and my dear, that's fine with me.  While the cups do their soft-shoeing, I'll be bubbling, I'll be brewing!"  She hopped onto the stove.  "I'll get warm, piping hot… heaven's sake, is that a spot?  Clean it up!  We want the company impressed!"  A napkin flew at her and rubbed off the spot.  She hopped onto the tea cart, which, with Enjolras determinedly clinging on, rolled into the dining room.  

"We've got a lot to do!"  Fantine poured tea into a tea cup and turned kindly to Cosette.  "Is it one lump or two?  For you, our guest!"

"She's our guest!" The silverware exclaimed.

"Yes, our guest," Fantine chirped, smiling.

"She's our guest!" The china began doing an elaborately choreographed dance.  "Be our guest, be our guest!  Our command is your request!  It's been eight years since we've had anybody here, and we're all **obsessed!**  With your meal with your ease, yes indeed, we aim to please… while the candlelight's still glowing, let us help you we'll keep going…."  The candles parted elaborately to show Courfeyrac, who began to do some sort of a kicking type dance.

"Course by course!" they all sang, though Courfeyrac's voice rose above them all.  "One by one, 'till you shout, 'Enough, I'm done!' Then we'll sing you off to sleep as you digest!  Tonight you'll prop your feet up, but for now let's eat up!  Be our guest!"  The forks began flying through the air.  "Be our guest!"  Corks shot out of bottles of champagne, and Enjolras even did a little dance with the feather dusters until Courfeyrac shoved him out of the way.  "Please be… our… guest!"


	11. In Which Enjolras Makes a Bad Pun

Cosette applauded.  "Bravo!  That was wonderful!"

"Thank you, thank you mademoiselle," Enjolras muttered distractedly.  "Yes, good show, wasn't it everyone…."  He quickly pointed to his face.  "Oh, goodness.  Will you look at the time?  It's time for bed so we can get back to planning our revolution."  Courfeyrac hopped up to them.

Cosette laughed softly.  "Oh, I couldn't possibly go to bed now!  It's my first time in an enchanted castle."

"Enchanted?!" Enjolras squeaked in alarm.  "Who said anything about the castle being enchanted?" A fork scurried by at that point in time.  Enjolras rounded furiously on Courfeyrac.  "It was you, wasn't it?"  He launched himself at Courfeyrac and they began fighting.  

"I, um, figured that out myself," Cosette murmured, raising an eyebrow delicately.

Enjolras and Courfeyrac looked at her and stopped fighting.  Enjolras dusted himself off and Courfeyrac indignantly adjusted his wax nose.  

"I'd like to look around if you don't mind," Cosette added sweetly, smiling at both of the talking objects.   

"Oh, would you like a tour?" Courfeyrac questioned quickly, sounding excited.  "You know we have several wonderful things here, the best of which is Marius, who is really a very nice person once you get over his fits of manic depression-"

"Wait a second, wait a second," Enjolras interrupted.  "I'm not sure that's such a good idea.  She could be a spy for the government."  Courfeyrac shout him a glare worth any of Enjolras's.  Enjolras glared back and added quietly, "And I'm sure you don't want her to go find you- know- who when he's sulking and likely to kill things-"    

"I assure you, I'm not," Cosette reassured him cheerfully, depositing her napkin on the tabletop, and not hearing the last part of Enjolras's little speech.  "Perhaps you would like to show me around?  I'm sure you know all about what everything in the castle has to do with the revolution of, um… 1792." 

Enjolras looked flattered.  "Well, actually… ah yes, I do."

Enjolras, Courfeyrac, and Cosette were walking down a hallway full of suits of armor.  Enjolras was reading off a piece of paper.

"As you can see, the pseudo façade was stripped off to reveal a minimalist rococo design."  He glanced up.  "Yet this means nothing in the way of the republic.  In the republic, it matters not what design your hallway is in!  We are all equal."  He went back to the paper and continued walking.  Cosette was endlessly amused by all the intricacies of the castle and how Enjolras managed to relate all of them to the French Revolution.  The suits of armor in the hall turned to watch her go by.  Cosette stared at them curiously.  "Note the unusual inverted vaulted ceilings.  This is yet another example of the neo- classic baroque period… and as I always say, if it's not baroque, why fix it?"  He glared at the paper in disbelief.  "What a horrible pun!  I'll tell you a better one.  'L'Amis D'ABC'.  A group of students set on liberating the oppressed, l'abbisse, the underdog of France, the common people, from the tyrannical yoke of the monarchy."

All suits of armor had slowly been turning to watch them go by.  "As you were!" Enjolras commanded.  They quickly went back to how they were.  Enjolras threw the paper behind him and soon noticed that Cosette wasn't there anymore.

Cosette had begun to climb the grand staircase.  Enjolras and Courfeyrac, fearful for Cosette's life, jumped in front of her.

"What's up there?" Cosette wanted to know, her curiosity piqued.  

"Where?  Up there?  Absolutely nothing of interest at all in the West Wing.  Dull, dusty, very boring."  Enjolras elbowed Courfeyrac, who had rolled his eyes rather sarcastically.

"Oh, so that's the West Wing."  Cosette peered up into the darkness which apparently led to the mysterious West Wing.

"Nice going," Courfeyrac hissed.  

"I wonder what he's hiding up there," Cosette mused.

"Nothing!" Enjolras insisted.  "You'll just be in mortal peril if you go up there, and there are plenty of things that would be useful in a barricade that I don't want destroyed and, uh… we have a small model of a guillotine in the study that you should find most interesting…."

Cosette stepped around them.  "Maybe later."

Courfeyrac and Enjolras scrambled up the steps again.  "The library or the garden perhaps?" he suggested weakly.

"You have a garden?  And a library?" Cosette asked, full of interest.  "I love gardening!  And books too."

"Oh yes!  A wonderful garden!" Courfeyrac said, thrilled that he found something to interest her.  

"Indeed.  With flowers," Enjolras added, tone full of scorn to one who would spend their time planting flowers instead of trying to change the social and political systems of France.

"Gads of flowers!"

"Mountains of flowers," Enjolras grumbled.  He and Courfeyrac began marching away.

"Forests of flowers!"

"Cascades-" Enjolras began 

"Of flowers," Courfeyrac interrupted.

"Swamps of flowers."

"More flowers then you'll ever be able to see in a lifetime!"  Enjolras and Courfeyrac disappeared from the hallway.  Cosette followed them a moment, then quickly became lost... she had a horrible sense of direction.  It was a wonder that she even found the enchanted castle in the first place.  She ended up walking up the staircase into the West Wing, not being able to figure out where she was at the time.

She entered the hallway and was surprised at the piles of broken furniture.  She glanced in a shattered mirror, where her eyes were magnified enormously.  Cosette shivered slightly, spooked by the destruction, and continued on.  She figured if she kept going, eventually she'd reach her room, or Enjolras and Courfeyrac, or some other randomly enchanted talking object which would go out of its way to get her away from mortal peril.  Hopefully.

She reached the end of the hallway to find a door with a pair of gargoyle handles.  She was apprehensive, to say the least, about opening the door, but she couldn't figure out what else to do.  So Cosette took a steadying breath, concentrated on being as cheerful as she could, and walked in.  

Her bubbly façade, if you will, vanished once she saw the room.  Chairs and tables had been smashed, pillows and books ripped to shreds, rugs and blankets torn up… Cosette was utterly shocked by the damage.  She closed her eyes a moment in order to concentrate and forced herself to keep moving.  She wandered nervously around the room, trying to find another door out. She accidentally walked into a small table, but managed to catch it before it smashed into the ground.  She looked up and saw a shredded painting.  She lifted a small section of the ripped canvas to see a bit of a portrait of someone.  Cosette examined it a moment more, recognizing the face, but being unable to place it.  

Whoever it was, it gave her a funny feeling to look at him, so she dropped the piece of canvas and turned away to see a rose enveloped in pink light floating under a bell jar.  Somehow she couldn't take her eyes off it, which scared her slightly.

She walked towards it and gently lifted the jar off it, hoping to be able to figure out what it was.  It was a beautiful rose, to be sure.  Uncertainly, Cosette reached out delicately to touch it.

A shadow fell over her.  Cosette looked up to see Marius, who jumped in front of her, grabbed the jar and slammed it back over the rose.

"What are you doing here?" Marius demanded.  Wild animals filled the room again.

Cosette was scared, but less frightened then when Théodule invaded her house.  "I'm sorry, I was lost, and I-"

"I warned you never to come in here," Marius whispered.  There was a bittersweet note in his voice, something that tugged at Cosette's heartstrings.  Cosette began to panic, alarmed at this new feeling, and the fact that the wild animals were beginning to eye her hungrily.

"I didn't mean any harm!" 

"Do you realize what you could have done?" Marius cried, anguished.  There seemed to be a whole pack of wild animals ripping things to shreds.  Cosette counted, rather absently, as most of her energy was concentrated on being terrified out of her wits, that there were at least twenty animals in the room.  

"N-no, but I'm sorry, and-"         

"Get out!" Marius warned her.  The wild animals lunged at a table and tore it to pieces.  "Get out!"

Cosette, now doubly terrified, ran out of the room.  Marius, realizing he had probably ruined any chances he had with her, sunk into his chair and held his head in his hands.  Cosette raced down the stairs and discovered that Jehan the coat-rack had somehow gotten her cloak.  Cosette snatched it from him and ran to the door outside, or what she assumed to be the door outside.  

"Wh- where are you going?" Enjolras asked, startled.

"Promise or no promise, I can't stay here another minute!"  Cosette yanked open the door and was relived to find that it **did** lead outside.  The difficulty now was finding the stables.

"Oh no!" Courfeyrac exclaimed, hopping after her.  "Please wait!"  Too late.  She slammed the door and ran outside.  Then she spent many minutes locating the barn, most of those minutes spent running around the castle until she ran into a building where there were a large amount of horses in stalls.  She quickly saddled Philippe and, with some difficulty, mounted side-saddle and finally galloped away.

This turned out to be a bad idea.


	12. In Which Cosette is Surprised at Her Hor...

A/N:  I just noticed that in the beginning of Aladdin, the main character steals a loaf of bread then tries to escape from the police for doing so.  Then all sorts of strange parodies regarding Valjean as a street urchin and Thenarider as an evil sorcerer began whirling through my head.  But I will shut up now and let you go on with this fic.

As Cosette galloped rather blindly through the woods (she had a horrible sense of direction and had no clue where she was or where she was going, as has been stated before) a pack of wolves somehow decided she was to be dinner.

Cosette sighed and looked up.  Fortunately, she saw the wolves.  Unfortunately, the skittish Philippe saw them too.  Cosette gasped and the blood seemed frozen in her veins.  She stared a moment, stupefied, then yanked on the reins.  Philippe dashed off, weaving in between trees.  The wolves, which didn't seem to be very smart, ran into said trees.  Cosette was a bit surprised at the extent of her horsemanship, as staying on the horse side-saddle at a trot was still a bit difficult for her, but was too busy trying not to be devoured by wolves to care much.

She soon experienced the sick swooping feeling you get when the ground under you collapses.  

She and Philippe had galloped out onto the ice.  

Philippe struggled on through the water, and the very stupid wolves followed.  A few of them didn't appear to know how to swim. But Philippe did, and he managed to get to the other side of the pond and galloped on.  He ran into a clearing, where they were surrounded by wolves.  

'_This is bad!_' Cosette thought, her breathing becoming uneven.  '_This is very, very bad._' Philippe thought so too, as he bucked Cosette off.  

'_I always knew riding side-saddle was dangerous,_' she thought absently.  With dismay, she noted that Philippe had gotten the reins wrapped around a branch.  The wolves began leaping at the horse, and Cosette grabbed a nearby branch.

She nervously swung the stick at a wolf and knocked him away.  But when she swung it at another wolf on the ground, it grabbed the stick and broke it.  

'_Bad… oh, this is even worse then bad,_' Cosette thought dizzily.  '_What a horrible way to die._' A wolf took advantage of her momentary distraction, and leaped at her cloak.  It ripped the cloak, and Cosette fell to the ground.  '_Oh God help me,_' Cosette prayed, as she looked up and saw a wolf jumping at her.  It was stopped though, by what appeared to be a hyena.  Cosette was astonished, but looked around to see Marius, looking angry and defensive.  Then she wasn't quite so astonished, but strangely glad that he was there.  She put it down to the fact that he was saving her from a gruesome death by rabid wild animals.

The wolves leapt at Marius.  A few of them bit Marius in the arm several times, but **his** flock of destructive wild animals took care of the rest of the wolves.  They drove the wolves away, and then Marius looked mournfully at Cosette. He then fainted.  The animals all vanished immediately.

Cosette got up shakily and brushed dirt off her skirt.  She quietly untied the reins from the tree and walked rather uncertainly to Marius.  She bit her lip, and then, with a lot of shoving on the part of Cosette, and lots of lying down on the part of Philippe, somehow managed to get the unconscious Marius onto the horse.  They plodded back to the castle through the mud.

Cosette hated the last months of winter, when one day it would be wonderfully sunny and feel like spring, but the next, there would be ice on the pond, and mud puddles from melted snow.  She loved spring, though, and was soon wishing it was April as she struggled through the many patches of mud.  

Cosette, while musing on the seasons, went back to the castle and got the enchanted talking items to help carry Marius inside.  He came to about then, and he strode angrily to his chair by the fire and clutched his arm.

Joly the enchanted mirror had somehow managed to get into the room and was giving Cosette instructions on how to help tend to Marius's wounds.

"Here now, don't do that!" Joly insisted as Marius wiped some blood off his arm onto the chair.  "That's highly unsanitary!  We could all become deathly ill and die because of that."

Cosette calmly poured hot water, supplied by Fantine, into a bowl and swirled her handkerchief around in it.  Marius looked at it curiously a moment, then looked down at his (tattered) vest pocket.  "Is that your only handkerchief?"

Cosette looked up at him, startled.  "The only one I brought to the castle…"

Marius flushed.  "Uh… you shouldn't be getting your handkerchief all bloody just for me…"

Cosette tilted her head to one side and blinked, confused.  Marius realized that she very beautiful blue eyes, and his heart seemed to lurch in his chest.   

"Just… hold still a moment," Cosette instructed him, turning back to the task at hand in slight confusion.  Very quietly, she picked up the handkerchief and wiped off Marius's arm.  

Marius yelped and a few random wild animals materialized in the room.  "That hurts!"

"If you'd hold still it wouldn't hurt so much," Cosette scolded gently.  

"If you hadn't run away this wouldn't have happened," Marius muttered.

"If you hadn't frightened me, I wouldn't have run away," Cosette snapped suddenly, looking rather annoyed.  She threw the handkerchief into the bowl of water and swirled it around angrily.

Marius opened his mouth to respond but made the mistake of looking at Cosette, who looked lovely in the glow of the firelight.  Whatever had was going to say completely vanished from his head.  "Well… you shouldn't have been in the West Wing," he said at last.

"Well you should learn to control that pack of wild animals that randomly appears from time to time," Cosette replied sternly.  "One of them keeps eyeing my skirt and I don't like it."  

Marius flushed, and the wild animals vanished, as Marius was now far too flustered to be depressed and angry.

Cosette pulled the handkerchief from the bowl of water, all of her anger apparently spent.  "Now hold still.  This may sting a little."  She gently wiped off Marius's arm.  Marius gritted his teeth and tried not to say anything.  Cosette wrung out the handkerchief into the bowl of water and kept washing Marius's arm.  "By the way," Cosette murmured almost tenderly, glancing up at Marius from underneath her (long) eyelashes.  "Thank you… for saving my life."

Marius stared at her in surprise and felt… odd.  Decidedly so.  "You're welcome."


	13. In Which Grantiare Sleeps in a Chicken C...

In the corner of the inn, a group of three men were seated at a table.  One of them was the inspector of Montriel- sur- mer, Javert.

"I usually don't leave the prison in the middle of the night," Javert said quietly, toying with a silver snuff box.  "The prisoners try to escape when I'm not around, but my lieutenant said you had something concerning an escaped ex-convict on the run for seventeen years or so."

The man seated across from him, who happened to be Théodule, smiled and pushed a sheaf of papers across the table.  Grantaire, who was seated next to him, was drinking a large bottle of wine without the aid of a cup.  

Javert flipped through them.  "Most impressive."

Théodule smiled grimly.  "Yes.  Money talks quite loudly when information is needed."

Grantaire blinked.  "I don't think what you said was grammatically correct."

Théodule hit him on the head.  "Shut up drunkard."

"All the information seems correct, but you are accusing the mayor, a public official who has made this town grow and prosper, of being an ex-convict."  Javert closed the dossier.  "I admit I had doubts about Monsieur Madeline before he became an elected official, but I doubt that any of my suspicions had any truth to them."  

"It's like this," Théodule explained.  "I have betted my friend here that I can get Cosette Madeline to marry me.  I do not like loosing bets, inspector."

"She turned him down flat!" Grantaire interjected happily.

Théodule hit him on the head again.  "Everyone but that idealistic doctor knows that the mayor's a convict.  We know nothing of the mayor's past, and when the mayor burst into the tavern two nights ago, he was delusional with fever. In his examination of the mayor, the doctor found out that Valjean has a tattoo of '24601' on his chest."  

"24601," Javert murmured.  "Yes… I remember him…."

"The point is, Cosette would do anything for her father-"

"Even marry you?" Grantaire asked incredulously.  Théodule shot Grantaire a threatening look.  Grantaire ignored it and drank from the bottle again.  

"I fail to understand the point you're making," Javert informed them, studying the snuff box.

"What I'm saying," Théodule said patiently.  "Is that I would like, being a lieutenant in the army myself, to borrow a small group of gendarmes to investigate the mayor to make sure he is not the criminal we believe him to be.  I am currently on leave for now, and my commanding officer is not interested in the investigation of the government of a small town… seems he's more eager to train new troops or whatnot... preparing for the revolution the people of France stage every few years or so."

"What does Mademoiselle Madeline have to do with that?" Javert asked, looking rather confused, and in the middle of allowing himself a pinch of snuff.

"Nothing," Grantaire hiccupped merrily.  "Oh, nothing at all.  Théodule just wants to attempt to arrest her father, and then force her to marry him so her father doesn't get thrown in the clink, all thanks to the power you've bestowed upon him with the policemen.  Then I'll go and marry a tree and we'll live in a cottage made of cheese where the green fairy will visit us every week with a new bottle of wine to paint the walls with."

"He's drunk," Théodule said quickly.  "Very much so, if you hadn't noticed."

Javert nodded and studied the dossier once more.  "Yes… the evidence is overwhelming.  I knew I recognized the mayor from somewhere before… all right.  I give you permission to take charge of a small group of gendarmes and investigate Monsieur le maire.  Good luck."  He inclined his head at Théodule, took a pinch of snuff, and left. 

Valjean, who went by the name of Monsieur Madeline, did not know of this.  He had recently been released from the hospital only to go to his appeal in Arras.  The doctor had driven him there himself.  Valjean was still in Arras, though several times he asked for someone to help him get his daughter away from the idiot in the enchanted castle.  The lawyers used this to their best advantage and were convincingly arguing Valjean not guilty by means of insanity.  

Yet Théodule and Grantaire didn't know that no one was home in the Madeline household, even the servants having gone home for the night.  So they drove to the mayor's house.  They barged into the house, which, for some reason, was unlocked.  The servants were very stupid, actually, and forgot to lock any of the seventeen locks on the door.  Not good when a) your employer was afraid of police men, b) your employer's daughter kept being stalked by random men in the village, and c) your employer was the mayor and quite a wealthy person.

"Cosette!" Théodule yelled, slamming the door open.  "Monsieur le mayor!"  

"Oh well," Grantaire said, swinging his bottle of wine about, "Guess it's not going to work after all."

Théodule grabbed Grantaire by the neck and dragged him outside.  "They have to come back sometime, and when they do, we'll be ready for them."  Théodule threw Grantaire into the chicken coup.  "Grantaire, don't move from that spot until Cosette and her father come home. 

"But…" Grantaire protested feebly.  "Aw, heck, its better then my house."  With that, he fell asleep and began to snore.  Théodule rolled his eyes and stalked off. 


	14. In Which Marius and Cosette are Almost D...

A/N: Pure Marius/ Cosette fluff.  Don't look for plot.  It will not appear in this chapter.

Cosette didn't know what to feel.  On the one hand, she desperately missed her father.  She hadn't seen him for three days now, and she was worried about him.  On the other hand, she was almost happy at the castle.  There was always something interesting going on, and everyone was wonderfully helpful, and wasn't just nice to her because she was the mayor's daughter.  And Marius….

Cosette was confused about Marius.  At times, she was terrified by him, but most of the time he was gentle and sweet.  A bit slow on the uptake, but good-natured and kind.  And he wasn't bad looking either… except for the half-mask and clothes.  And when she looked at him… Cosette shrugged to herself and kept trotting along on Philippe.  It was an odd feeling to be sure.  She was breathless and her heart seemed to speed up; she felt almost dizzy when he was around.  But strangely enough, she was almost ecstatically happy whenever she saw him.  '_Perhaps I've got asthma?'_ Cosette rationalized to herself.  

Just then the happy, barking footstool dashed outside and began running beside Philippe and Cosette.  Cosette laughed, and stirred Philippe into a gallop.  She raced around the court-yard, ignoring her confusions over Marius, and the footstool followed behind happily.  

Marius watched from above, in one of the many balconies on the castle.  Cosette was dazzlingly pretty just then, laughing, her checks flushed by the wind and exercise, her hair (escaping from its hair ribbon once more) streaming behind her as she galloped along, and her blue eyes sparkling in the sunlight.  But of course, Marius always thought that Cosette was amazingly pretty no matter what she was doing.  As he watched her gallop around the courtyard with the footstool, he felt… happy.  

"I've never felt this way about anyone," Marius murmured.  "I want to do something for her."  He suddenly felt slightly discouraged.  "But what?  I don't know anything about romance."

Courfeyrac, who had been standing on the railing of the balcony observing Marius's lovelorn state, smiled.  "I think we can help you there."

"Well, there's the usual," Fantine, who was also on the railing of the balcony, suggested.  "Roses, chocolates, promises you don't intend to keep-"

"Ah, no, no," Courfeyrac interjected hastily, knowing how Fantine could rant about her ex- boyfriend.  "It has to be something very special.  Something that sparks her inter- wait!  I know!"

The next thing he knew, Marius was standing in front of a pair of large wooden doors with Cosette, who was smiling.  Marius suddenly felt that he would do anything to keep her smiling.  

"Uh… Cosette, there's something I'd like to show you."  Marius began opening the doors, but then an idea struck him, which, sadly, did not happen often.  "But first, you have to close your eyes."  Cosette looked at him questioningly.  Marius had to fight not to smile.  "It's a surprise."

Cosette closed her eyes, and Marius waved his hand in front of her face.  When she made no sign she had seen him, he opened the doors.  Cosette had lightly rested her hands on his, and Marius, feeling oddly happy, pulled her through the open doors.

"Can I open them?" Cosette asked, smiling bemusedly.

"Not yet."  Marius reluctantly let go of her hands and made sure that everything was absolutely perfect.

"Now can I open them?"

"All right.  Now."  

Cosette's eyes fluttered open, and she gazed in wonder at the lush garden in front of her.  It **was** a beautiful garden, full of flowers and trees of all strains and varieties, and the sun gleamed through the leaves of the trees, lighting up a small pond and waterfall in the corner of the garden.  

"I- I can't believe it!" Cosette cried in amazement.  She flitted about the garden as a bird would, here examining a flower, there a bush, always utterly amazed at it.  "It's the end of March, and the garden is already blooming so magnificently!"

"It is an enchanted garden," Marius said with a hint of pride.  "But you- you like it?"

Cosette laughed happily and spun about in a part of the lawn overflowing with flowers.  "Oh, it's wonderful."  

"Then it's yours."  

Cosette stared at him in amazement for a moment, and then walked toward him.  She smiled up shyly at him and said, "Oh thank you so much."

Let us leave this happy scene where Marius felt utterly blissful and Cosette was amazed yet giddily happy, and look at the enchanted objects, who were watching the two with utmost satisfaction from the doorway.  

"Awww, would you look at that?" Fantine cooed, beaming.  

"Ha ha!" Courfeyrac crowed gleefully as Marius and Cosette smiled somewhat shyly at each other.  "I **knew** it would work!"

"What?" Gavroche asked, hopping to the doorway.  "What works?"

"Isn't this exciting?" Musichetta exclaimed happily to Joly, who winked (as well as he could, seeing as how he was a talking mirror) back at her.

"I didn't see anything!" Gavroche protested, as he watched Cosette pull off her hat and hand it to Marius.  She then ran about, picking flowers and handing them to Marius, who stuck them in Cosette's hat bemusedly.  The little teacup was disappointed… he had been hoping something had been blown up.

"Come along Gavroche," Fantine murmured merrily.  "There are chores to be done in the kitchen."

"But **what** are they talking about?" Gavroche demanded.  "What's going on?"

At breakfast the next morning, Marius was eating rather messily, as his half-mask interfered with his hand- eye coordination.  Marius was having difficulty with his oatmeal, as he normally did not use silverware- he tended to spill things all over himself.  Cosette was eating very daintily with her spoon, looking very prim and lady-like.  

Marius was also attempting to use a spoon… though he kept poking himself in the neck with it.  Most of the oatmeal spilled onto his tattered cravat and waistcoat.  Gavroche snickered immaturely and Fantine shushed him.

Cosette soon noticed Marius's struggle with his cutlery and put her spoon down.  With a small smile, as if to say, 'Let's see how this works', Cosette picked up her bowl and toasted it to Marius.  Marius (almost) quickly figured out that it would be much easier for him to eat his oatmeal if he sipped from the bowl, as Cosette had noticed quite some time ago.  He picked up his bowl as well and toasted Cosette.  They both sipped the oatmeal, rather messily, I might add, as it is hard to sip oatmeal, from the bowls and had a grand old time doing so.    

Fantine smiled at them indulgently, as if to say, 'Ah… how cute!'

The next day, out in the garden, Cosette and Marius were trying to feed the birds.

'_There's something sweet and very kind,_" Cosette sang to herself as she and Marius sat on the ground, and Marius held out a handful of seeds to the birds. '_But he was mean and he was coarse and unrefined… but now he's dear.  And so unsure.  I wonder why I didn't see it there before._'  Cosette gently scooped some of the seeds out of Marius's hands.  She sprinkled it on the ground, trailing the birdseed into Marius's open hands.  A bird began pecking at the seeds and finally hopped into Marius's hands.  He looked thrilled.  Cosette smiled at Marius, and patted him on the shoulder.  She was then distracted by a bird that landed on her finger and walked away.

'_She looked this way!'_ Marius thought ecstatically.  '_I thought I saw… that when we touched she didn't shudder or withdraw… her hand….  No it can't be… I'll just ignore- but then she's never looked at me that way before._'

The bird having flown away, Cosette hid behind a tree and thought to herself.  "New… and a bit… alarming," she sang softly, staring at the sky.  "Who'd have ever thought that this could be?"  She glanced around the tree and laughed.  Marius, grinning bemusedly, was covered with birds.  '_True… that he's no Prince Charming… but there's something in him that I simply didn't see!'_  

The enchanted objects, which had nothing better to do but watch Marius and Cosette, were yet again watching Cosette and Marius from the window overlooking the enchanted garden.  

"Well, who'd have thought?" Courfeyrac sang.

"Well, bless my soul," Fantine laughed.

"And who'd have known?" Enjolras sang, who was slightly amused by the situation.  After getting over how ridiculous the whole curse was, he was actually pleased by the fact that Cosette and Marius were falling in love.  He would really be able to fight for the revolution then.  Plus he hadn't slept in a while, so now everything was beginning to be extremely funny.

"Well who indeed!" Fantine added happily.

"And who would've guessed they'd come together on their own?" Courfeyrac asked, hopping about happily in a sort of jig.

"It's so peculiar," Fantine murmured.

"We'll wait and see," the three objects chimed.  "A few days more… and there might be something there that wasn't there before."  

That night, Cosette and Marius walked into the fire-lit den, which had been cleaned by the various objects.  Marius took her cloak and hung it on the coat rack, and the two sat down in front of the fire.  Cosette spread her skirts out and picked up a book.  She began to read aloud to Marius, who couldn't read much as most of the book was blurred by his half-mask.  They both could not seem to stop smiling, and they sat very close together.  

"Yes, perhaps there's something there that wasn't there before," Enjolras muttered amusedly. 

"What?" Gavroche asked as he hopped past the door way.

"There may be something there that wasn't there before," Fantine agreed, looking happily at her daughter.  "Ahh… my little Eurphrasie all grown up and breaking spells!"

"But what's going on?" Gavroche cried in vexation.  "As a venerable elder of our beloved republic, I demand to know what's going on!"

"We'll tell you when you're older," Fantine informed him fondly, hopping away from the den.  

Gavroche cursed under his breath. 


	15. In Which Fantine Interprets a Famous Son...

Marius was sitting in a tub full of mildly warm water.  He was washing, making sure to scrub his half-mask until it nearly glowed with cleanliness.

"Tonight is the night!" Courfeyrac exclaimed ecstatically.  "The night where we all become human again!  Ah… the pleasures of being a human male… with so many bedrooms around the castle…."

Marius flushed uncomfortably.  "I- I'm not sure I can do this.  Any of this."

"You don't have time to be timid," Courfeyrac reminded him, pointing at the wilting rose.  "Be… bold.  Daring!"

"Bold," Marius repeated and he dried himself off.  "Daring." He wiped the water off his half-mask uncomfortably.  

"There will be music, and romantic candlelight, provided by myself…" Courfeyrac flourished his candle hands around.  "All for the fair lady's birthday.  Flowers… a delicious dinner… you have been working on your hand- eye coordination, so that shouldn't be so bad, and when the time is right you confess your love.  That might led to something a bit more intimate, if you know what I mean."  Courfeyrac winked.

"No… I don't," Marius admitted, un-bitterly this time.  "And I confess my l- no, no.  I can't."  He dressed quickly (and rather messily, I might add) and sat down in front of a slightly cracked mirror.  Jehan the coat-rack began fixing his hair.

Courfeyrac sighed and rolled his eyes.  "You care for the girl, right?" he enunciated carefully, making sure Marius understood every word.

"More than anything," Marius admitted quietly.

"Well then, you must tell her," the candlestick explained, as if to a small child who has stuck beans up his nose.  Jehan finished cutting Marius's hair and stepped back.  

"Volia!" Jehan said, contemplating Marius's haircut.

Courfeyrac glanced at Marius then looked away to keep from laughing.  "You look so…."

"Stupid." Marius's hair had been elaborately curled and tied in frilly pink lace ribbons.

"No I think it looks lovely," Courfeyrac snorted sarcastically.  "Perhaps… a bit less pink, Jehan."  Jehan nodded and began fixing Marius's hair to it's normally (becomingly) untidy state.  

Enjolras, who still had not gotten any sleep, knocked on the door to the bedroom and entered.  "Ahem.  Your lady awaits."  He smiled and bowed, looking rather amused.

Marius was soon downstairs, dressed in his best clothes, which he hadn't worn much since they were rather blue and white and Marius preferred black, and a pair of artfully shined boots.  Cosette was standing just across from him, clad in a glimmering gold ball gown that could be called, 'slightly immodest', but was much more pretty then anything else.  She had long, elbow length gloves and a pair of dainty gold silk slippers on as well, but Marius hardly noticed this. He gulped, and at a prod from Courfeyrac, walked out to Cosette and gallantly bowed.  Cosette curtsied, and Marius extended his arm to her.  Cosette smiled dazzlingly at him and gently laid her hand on his arm.  Music, supplied by Jehan (on the flute) and several enchanted violins swelled around them.  Fantine, sitting on the tea cart with Gavroche, was compelled to sing.  

"Tale as old as time," she sang as Marius and Cosette walked down the staircase.  "True as it can be!  Barely even friends…" The footstool that used to be a dog rushed out, barking, and ran around Cosette.  Marius, several steps below her, bowed so that she wouldn't fall over.  Cosette laughed, and the footstool ran off.  "Then somebody bends… unexpectedly."

 Cosette and Marius walked off to dinner, where Marius managed to actually get his spoon to his mouth without spilling anything on his cravat.  Cosette was delighted by everything, as it was the most elaborate birthday she'd ever had.  

"Just a little change… nothing too big yet.  Both a little scared…."

Cosette quickly finished her meal then hurried to the other side of the table, where she grabbed Marius's hands and led him to the dance floor.  He looked rather nervous.  

"Neither one prepared… la belle et la bete!"

Marius, looking nervous, stood in the middle of the dance floor.  Cosette smiled at him, then began teaching him how to ballroom dance.  After a few tries, Marius got it.  Cosette beamed at him.  Marius was in rapture.

"Ever just the same… no, ever a surprise!  Ever as before, ever just as sure as the sun may rise!" The objects peered in the doorway, as watching Marius and Cosette had become something of an obsession.

Fantine gazed on them fondly.  "Tale as old as time.  Tune as old as song!  Bittersweet and strange, learning you can change… learning you were wrong."

Marius and Cosette waltzed around the ballroom.  Eventually, Cosette gently leaned her head against Marius's chest.  Marius, looking ecstatic, beamed happily at Courfeyrac and Enjolras.  Courfeyrac raised his hands in a silent cheer, and Enjolras rolled his eyes, though he looked rather pleased when he thought no one was looking.

"Sure as the land-lord… calling in a debt…. tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, la belle et la bete!"  The objects stared at Fantine oddly a moment, then (remembering her history) found it perfectly normal and turned back to watch Marius and Cosette gliding around the ballroom.  Toussaint looked especially pleased with how well the ball gown complimented Cosette.  Courfeyrac quickly scurried around to the lights, all of whom dimmed obligingly.  

"Tale as old as time… song as old as rhyme.  La belle et la bete!" Fantine smiled at Cosette and Marius, who were still waltzing around the ballroom happily and obliviously.  She turned to Gavroche, who looked mutinous.  "Off to the cupboard with you now, Gavroche.  It's past your bedtime."

"What!  I had to waste two hours watching the idiot waltz around with the girl?!"  Gavroche hopped off, muttering at the injustice of the situation… though as soon as he got to the door he turned and spied on Marius and Cosette, who had walked out of the ballroom onto a convenient balcony right outside.

Cosette delicately perched on the railing, smoothing out her skirt and looking a bit confused.  Marius had seated himself a few feet away, but when Cosette looked down and smoothed out her skirt, he scooted closer to her.  He glanced up at the stars a moment to give him courage, and then turned to look at her.  She smiled at him very shyly and placed her hands in his.  

"Cosette?" Marius asked, feeling a bit nervous.  "Are you happy here?"

Cosette looked out over the country side.  "Yes," she murmured hesitantly.  

"What is it?"

Cosette turned to look at him.  "It's silly, I know… but I miss my father so much.  If I could only see him again…." Her voice was wistful and her smile was sad.   

Marius looked away a minute, not sure of what to do to help her.  Then, very slowly, he remembered, and was very happy he could do something for her.  "There is a way."  He quickly led Cosette to his chambers.  Marius picked up Joly and handed it to her.  

"This mirror, if you ask politely, will show you anything, anything you wish to see."

Cosette took Joly from him a moment and looked into the mirror.  "I'd like to see my father please," she requested hesitantly.  

"Sure thing!" Joly chirped cheerfully, being very sure that shortly he would be human once more.  There was a flash of green, and Cosette saw her father, lying at home, looking ill and very pale.  There was a doctor, Dr. Combeferre, she thought, standing by her father's bedside with a nurse.

"Is he any better, doctor?" the nurse asked.

"He was well enough to stand in the courtroom," the doctor informed her, taking Valjean's temperature.  "But his fever's much worse now.  I don't think he was well enough to understand that he'd been acquitted.  Have you found Mademoiselle Madeline, yet?"

The nurse shook her head.  "No.  It seems she's vanished.  I don't know where she's gotten too."  She began measuring out a small dose of medicine.  "Uh… doctor?  Do you think that… monsieur le mayor is right?  That his daughter's been taken by an idiot?"

The doctor was silent a moment and he stared out a window.  "I don't know."  The doctor and nurse were silent, and went about administering medicine to Valjean.  Cosette was shocked.  Her father… that ill?  And she wasn't around to help him?  She felt horrible.  Marius looked at her with concern.

"My father… he's sick.  He may be dying…."  Cosette looked at the mirror again, paying close attention to the murmured diagnosis the doctor had determined.  "Oh, papa…."

Marius turned away from her a moment to examine the rose, which was missing a great deal of its petals.  He thought a moment, which seemed to happen more often when he was around Cosette.  Thinking, that is... the previous sentence was a bit unclear, sorry.  "Then… then you must go to him."

Cosette had taken a moment to wipe her eyes on the back of her glove and looked up in alarm.  "What… did you say?"

Marius kept his back to her, fearful that if he looked at her, he would cry.  "I release you.  You have been my guest long enough.  You may go."  

Cosette looked at him in amazement.  "You mean… I'm free?"

"Yes."

"Oh thank you!"  She looked at Joly again and murmured, "Hold on Papa… I'm on my way."  She turned to leave, but then handed Joly back to Marius.

Marius smiled at her tenderly.  "Keep it.  That way…" Blushing slightly, he reached out and smoothed down a lock of Cosette's hair.  "You'll always have a way to look back and remember me."  

Cosette looked up at Marius and smiled at him.  "Thank you for understanding how much he needs me."  She turned to leave again, but then, impulsively, she placed a hand on his shoulder and kissed him softly on the cheek.  Then, blushing, she swept out of the room, clutching the mirror to her chest.  As Cosette's skirts swished out the door, Enjolras, who was still rather tired, entered the room.

"Well Marius, I must say that things are going just splendidly.  I knew you had it in you!"  He hopped over to Marius, who had sunk into an oversized chair and was staring remorsefully at the rose under the bell jar.  Frequently, his hand would stray up to his check and he would bestow a ghost of a smile on the wilting rose. 

"I let her go."

"Ha ha ha, yes.  That's splend- what? You what!?  How could you do that?!"  Enjolras was surprised out of his good mood and his amused state of being.

Marius smiled, sadly, and imagined that he could still feel Cosette's lips upon his cheek.  "I had to." 

"But why?" Enjolras cried.  

"Because," Marius explained softly, staring at the rose again.  "I love her."

Outside, the other objects who had listened to Enjolras tell them of Marius's decision were shocked.  "He did what?!" 

Enjolras scowled at the door.  "Yes.  I'm afraid it's true."

"She's going away?" Gavroche asked himself, puzzled, from his vantage point in the corner of the hallway.  He hopped away quickly.

"But he was so close!" Courfeyrac lamented.  "And we were going to be human again!"

Fantine smiled sadly.  "After all this time, he's finally learned to love." 

Courfeyrac looked hopeful again.  "That's it then!  **That** should break the spell!"

Fantine shook her head.  "It's not enough.  Cosette has to **say** she loves him, and means it, in return." 

Enjolras sighed, and for a moment, he wasn't the fierce leader of the revolution.  He was a genuine human being depressed over the fact that not only was he going to be stuck as a talking clock for most of his life, but his friend had apparently lost the woman he loved.  "And now it's too late."

Inside Marius's rooms, wild animals had begun destroying things again.


	16. Which is Really Quite Random

     Cosette, after changing back into her normal clothes, had ridden as quickly as she could back home.  Once there, she quickly stabled Philippe, and got one of the few servants they employed to feed him and otherwise take care of him.  She did not notice Grantaire, who stealthily snuck out of the chicken coup.  

She ran into the house, where Combeferre was pulling off his cloak.  "Mademoiselle Madeline?" he asked in surprise.

Cosette nodded and bit her lip.  "How is my father?"

"He's doing much better… the medicine I gave him really worked.  He will be very glad to see you."  He was slightly bewildered but taking it in stride.  He hung up his cloak, though Cosette kept hers on.  "May I be so bold to ask, mademoiselle, where you've been for the past week or so?"

Cosette had a lump in her throat that was difficult to talk around when she thought about Marius.  "Oh… a, uh… problem I couldn't get out of…." '_And didn't want to….'_

The doctor looked at her oddly.  "All right.  Well, he's this way.  The nurse has already gone home for the night… um… are you all right, mademoiselle?"

"Oh."  Cosette wiped her eyes on the back of her hand and concentrated on being bubbly and cheerful.  "It's nothing.  I've just been riding quickly to get here and the wind was very strong, as I'm sure you know!  But it's nothing… it's really nothing.  Don't worry about me, monsieur!  It's nothing."  It was an obvious lie and Cosette blushed.  Of course it wasn't 'nothing'.  But she really didn't want to explain to the kind young doctor how she cared for, perhaps loved, an idiot and was reluctant to leave said idiot to see her father.  

"If you're sure," Combeferre said, still looking at her oddly, as if he knew what was going on.  "He's in this room."  He calmly walked to Valjean's room, an oddly quiet Cosette following.  Cosette, realizing how silent she was being, concentrated on being as bubbly and cheerful as she normally was.  

"Ah, thank you for taking care of my father, monsieur, while I was away."  She smiled at him, but she couldn't help but feel a little sad.  "It was very kind of you to do all this.  I appreciate it quite a bit, and I'm sure my father does too!  Thank you very much!"  It even sounded false to her.

Combeferre was silent a moment, thinking.  "It's nothing," he murmured at last.  Cosette was silent once more, lost in thought, and they soon reached her father's room.

Valjean, who had been dozing lightly, awoke and saw Cosette.  "Cosette?"

Cosette smiled at him and ran over to his bedside where she knelt and hugged her father fiercely.  "It's all right, Papa.  I'm home."

"I thought I'd never see you again," Valjean muttered, attempting to sit up.  "And I'd like a glass of water."

Cosette stood and poured him a glass of water from the pitcher.  She glanced at Combeferre.

"Well, monsieur le mayor, you seem much better."  He crossed over to Valjean and felt his forehead.  "Ah.  Your fever's broken.  That's good.  Now, I want you to get plenty of rest and drink lots of fluids, and you'll be back to normal in no time."

"Thank you, doctor."  

Cosette handed Valjean a glass of water, which he consumed rapidly.  

"Cosette… there's a bag in the drawer of the nightstand.  Would you give it to the doctor please?"  Valjean handed Cosette the empty glass.

Cosette set the glass down on the nightstand and pulled out the bag, which she gave to Combeferre.  The doctor opened the bag and examined its contents in shock.

"Monsieur!  I couldn't accept this!  It's too much," he protested feebly.

"No?  Then give it to the poor.  Would you mind letting my daughter and I talk a moment?"

The doctor, too stunned to do anything but comply with Valjean's wishes, left the room and closed the door after him.

"I missed you Papa," Cosette murmured, sinking into a wooden chair by Valjean's bed.

Valjean rubbed his forehead a moment and looked at Cosette.  "But le bete… how did you escape?"

Cosette smiled wistfully.  "I didn't escape Papa.  He let me go."

"That horrible idiot!?"

Cosette shook her head.  "But he's different, now, papa.  He's… he's changed somehow.  For the better… and I…."  Cosette took off her cloak and draped it over the back of her chair nervously.  Joly and Gavroche came tumbling out.  

"Ow!" Joly exclaimed.  "I've got a concussion!  I'm going to die!"

"Bonjour!" Gavroche chirped cheerfully.  

Cosette laughed, delighted to see Gavroche again.  "Ah, a stow-away!"  

Gavroche bowed as best he could, seeing as how he was a teacup and all.

Valjean smiled and Gavroche hopped into his open palm.  "Why, hello there, monsieur.  I didn't think I'd see you again."

Gavroche turned to Cosette.  "Ah… mademoiselle?  Why did you leave?  Was our singing unsuitable to you?  Did my arthritic hands scare you too much?"

Cosette stopped smiling.  It felt as if she'd been shot in the heart.  "Gavroche, it's not that… it's-"

The door was flung open, and Combeferre, who had been protesting that his sick patient could not be under arrest, nearly flew into the room.  Cosette stood and went to make sure the doctor was all right.  She knelt by Combeferre, who shook his head as if he couldn't believe what was going on, and looked up.  The sergeant of police was standing in front of her.


	17. In Which There is a Blood Thirsty Crowd

Cosette swallowed and looked up at the sergeant.  "C- can I help you?"

The sergeant grinned evilly.  "Your father is under arrest as… he is an ex- convict!"

"My father?" Cosette repeated, shocked that anyone had found out.  Combeferre, propped up by Cosette, glared at the sergeant and began muttering things about violations of rights.

"Don't worry, mademoiselle, we'll take good care of him."  The sergeant nodded to two gendarmes, who moved in and lifted Valjean out of his bed.  They dragged him out of the house, where a large crowd of villagers were standing, waving about torches.  

Cosette and Combeferre glanced at each other in alarm and then scurried downstairs after them.

"You can't just arrest my father like that!" Cosette cried desperately as she flew down the steps.  "He's a public official!"

"And he's ill!" Combeferre added quickly.  "Besides, he's been to court!  They've acquitted him!"

The gendarmes were not listening.  The townspeople, who enjoyed a good lynching or death by guillotine, regardless of the innocence of the victim, did not care.   

"He missed his first acquittal!" Grantaire shouted drunkenly, waving around a bottle of absinthe.  "Even if it had been postponed, the investigation started before the court tried him.  He is still under arrest."

"That makes no sense!" Cosette protested.

"I can show you the papers!" Combeferre shouted, running in front of the gendarmes who stoically frog-marched Valjean away.  Valjean was dazed and rather confused, feebly struggling to get free.

"**And** he was raving on about some idiot who kidnapped Cosette, who is quite obviously here!  He's crazy to boot!"  Grantaire waved the bottle in front of the mob, who cheered.

"He was delusional from a fever!" Combeferre protested.

Théodule, smiling smugly, walked up to Cosette.  "Tsk tsk.  Pity about your father."

Cosette turned to Théodule desperately.  "Please Théodule!  You know my father isn't crazy or guilty!"

"I might be able to clear up this whole misunderstanding," Théodule offered generously.  "If…"

Cosette was almost afraid to ask.  "If what?"

"If you marry me."

"What?"

"Just one little word, Cosette.  That's all it takes."

Cosette stared at him in horror.  "Never!"

Théodule scowled, as his plan not working very well, but then smiled bemusedly.  "Have it your way then," he said airily, attempting to play hard to get.

Valjean, in shock, feebly called out, "Cosette!  Please help me!"

Cosette ran back into the house, and then emerged a moment later; clutching Joly and some papers she had found that acquitted her father.  "Here are the papers that acquitted my father. And my father isn't crazy, and I can prove it!"  She looked at Joly.  "Please show me Marius, Joly."  She held Joly up to the crowd.

"If you're sure," Joly said dubiously.  There was a flash of green and Joly began to show images of Marius looking depressed and staring out his window.  Wild animals were ripping up things.

The crowd gasped.  

"Is he dangerous?" one woman called out.

"Oh no, he'd never hurt anyone!  He's very kind and sweet and gentle… he used to be a prince…." Cosette stared at Marius in the mirror once more.  

Théodule was annoyed.  "If I didn't know any better, Cosette, I'd think you had feelings for this monstrous idiot."

Cosette drew back as if she had been slapped.  "He's not a monster or an idiot, Théodule… but you are!"

"She's as crazy as her father!" Théodule explained to the blood-thirsty crowd.  

"She is not!" Combeferre exclaimed, finally stopping the gendarmes.  "And neither is he!"

Théodule ignored him and yanked Joly out of Cosette's hands.  "The idiot will tax you into poverty because 'he doesn't know any better'!  We can't allow that to happen!"

"He'd never do that!" Cosette cried, trying to get Joly back.

"Urg… I'm going to be sick," Joly complained as Théodule swung him around to emphasize his points.

"We're not safe until we guillotine him and I get a big fat promotion!" 

"We're not safe until he's dead," agreed one man.

"He'll do stupid things at night!" an old woman exclaimed.

"Wanting to sacrifice our livelihoods to supplement his rich appetite," a student yelled.

"He'll wreck havoc on our village, guys, if we let him wander free!" Matelote exclaimed, as she and the other waitresses attempted to throw themselves on Théodule.

"So it's time to take some action, guys, it's time to follow me!" Théodule sang.  He threw a torch into a nearby stack of hay and began dancing around it with Grantaire, who was very drunk.
    
    "Through the mist, through the woods, through the darkness and the shadows, it's a nightmare but its one exciting ride!"  Théodule pointed at the mob.  "Say a prayer, then we're there; at the drawbridge of a castle, and there's something truly idiotic inside!"
    
    "Its la bete! He has an army of animals, no one fret… he is stupid at least."  Joly was still showing pictures of Marius and his wild animals, several of whom had rabies, though Joly was yelling about how singing was hazardous to his health.  "See the animals foam, but we're not coming home, till he's dead.  Good and dead!  Let's kill la bete!"
    
    Cosette flung herself at Théodule and tried to pull Joly out of his hands.  "No!  I won't let you do this!"
    
    Théodule pushed her away.  "If you're not for us, you're against us!  Bring the doctor and the mayor!"  
    
    "Get your hands off us!" Combeferre yelled, trying to kick the guards.  "I was a revolutionary once!  I fought off a battalion of the National Guard!"  The gendarmes didn't care.  They tossed all three of them into a cellar and locked the door tightly.  
    
    "We can't have them running off to warn the idiot," Théodule explained to Grantaire, who was looking rather shocked that they'd just locked up a benevolent doctor who happened to be his friend, a sweet and innocent young girl, and the highly respected mayor of a small town in a cellar for an unknown length of time.
    
    "Let us out!" Cosette cried, her voice trembling with unshed tears.  
    
    Théodule turned to the crowd.  "We'll rid the village of this idiot who used to be a prince!  Who's with me?"
    
    "I am!" the crowd chorused.  "Light your torch, mount your horse!" 
    
    "Screw your courage to the sticking place," Théodule commanded, mounting his horse.  
    
    "We're counting on Théodule to lead the way!  Through a mist to a wood, where within a haunted castle, something's lurking that you don't see every day."  The crowd flocked into the woods and began chopping down a tree to use to knock down the doors of the castle.
    
    "It's la bete!  About as smart as a fountain… and we won't rest 'til he's good and deceased.  Sally forth, tally ho, grab your sword grab your bow…."
    
    "Praise the Lord and here we go!" shouted a rather blood-thirsty nun.  
    
    "We'll lay siege to the castle and bring back his head," Théodule ordered.


	18. In Which Gavroche Picks a Lock

Let us return to the cellar, where Cosette was prying at the lone window with a stick. "This is all my fault," she whispered, tears streaming down her face. "I have to warn Marius... oh what are we going to do?"  
  
"Marius?" Combeferre asked. "Wait a moment...." He suddenly figured out what had happened and why all his friends had mysteriously disappeared. "I know what's going on!"  
  
"That's good," Valjean muttered absently. "I'll get this door open...." He shoved against the door only to find it locked. "I'm still weak from being sick... I suppose. Alas, God has cursed me."  
  
Gavroche had hopped outside and was studying the lock intently. Suddenly he spotted a piece of wire that had come loose from the chicken coup in the excitement of the crowd. "Yes!"  
  
Now, let us visit the mob, all of whom were still singing about killing Marius. "We don't like what we don't understand... frankly, it scares us, and this idiot's mysterious at least!" They were carrying the log and marching to the castle, led by Joly (rather unwillingly but forced to do it because he was a magic mirror and that was the way he was programmmed).  
  
"Bring your guns, bring your knives, save your children and your wives... we'll save our village and our lives... we'll kill la bete!"  
  
Let us go to the castle, where they had no knowledge of the incoming attack.  
  
"I knew it!" Enjolras muttered triumphantly. "I knew we were silly to think that love could break a curse."  
  
"Maybe it would have been better if she never came at all," Courfeyrac sighed. "And I was really looking forward to being human again."  
  
The footstool ran in barking and slammed itself against the window. The talking objects looked outside, hoping to see Cosette again.  
  
"Could it be?" Courfeyrac asked hopefully.  
  
"Is it she?" Fantine hopped over to the window.  
  
"Nope. It's a mob of crazed Frenchmen out to come kill things," Enjolras corrected, figuring out that the mob was, in fact, not Cosette. "And they've taken Joly prisoner."  
  
"Warn Marius!" Courfeyrac shouted, hopping off the table.  
  
"And barricade the front doors," Enjolras ordered. "If it's a fight they want, it's a fight they'll get. On we go!"  
  
All of the talking objects marched down the grand staircase to the doors. "Hearts ablaze, banners high! We go marching into battle... unafraid though the danger just increased!"  
  
Outside, where it had begun to rain, the mob was whacking at the door with the large tree that they had cut down. "Raise the flag, sing the song, here we come marching fifty strong... and fifty Frenchmen can't be wrong... let's kill la bete!"  
  
Marius, having stopped being angry a few moments ago, was staring at the rose with his hand on his check and was hunched over in his large armchair.  
  
"Pardon me, monsieur," Fantine murmured kindly, as she still thought of him as her unofficial son- in- law.  
  
"Leave me in peace," Marius muttered.  
  
"But, monsieur, the castle is under attack!"  
  
"Let's kill la bete! Kill la bete!" the mob sang, banging on the doors.  
  
The objects were attempting to barricade the door with... themselves, actually... but the door kept getting bashed in by the mob.  
  
"This isn't working!" Courfeyrac shouted.  
  
"But, Courfeyrac, we must do something!" Musichetta exclaimed, worried.  
  
"Wait, I know!" Jehan called.  
  
"Kill la bete! Kill la bete!" the mob shouted. They were by no means, a smart mob.  
  
"What shall we do, Marius?" Fantine demanded.  
  
Marius smiled sadly and contemplated the rain falling outside. "It doesn't matter now. Let them come."  
  
"Kill la bete! Kill la bete! Kill la bete!" the mob repeated, finally breaking down the door. They looked around, puzzled. The front hall was filled with all sorts of random objects. They tip-toed in. Grantaire, by now rather confused, picked up Courfeyrac to use as a light source.  
  
"NOW!!" Courfeyrac shouted. The objects began attacking the humans in a multitude of amusing ways.  
  
The mugs who had done the odd acrobatic trick threw tomatoes at their 'oppressors'.  
  
Joly began whacking people on the head as best he could, and Fantine poured (very hot) tea on anyone who was foolish enough to walk past her.  
  
There was a brief comedic sequence where Toussaint fell on top of one man, and the man tumbled out dressed as a woman from the 1600s, complete with a corset and hoop skirt. Toussaint was rather puzzled as to how that happened, but later pretended that she had meant for that to happen.  
  
Once, Grantaire, very drunk indeed, kept waving a very bright torch at Courfeyrac, who began to melt, but Enjolras, who had gotten scissors somewhere and was carrying around a square of red fabric on a toothpick, slid down the rail of the staircase and hit Grantaire in the backside. Ouch.  
  
The baker was rolled up in a red carpet then locked in a trunk, who later clamed to be suffering indigestion.  
  
The footstool ran off with someone's hat and into the kitchen. The villagers began to laugh, thinking, 'Oh, what fun it will be to stab a footstool'. Well, they obviously forgot that all of the castle was enchanted, as they ran into the kitchen. Bahorel quickly changed their minds about that. He cackled evilly, flaming up, and the (very sharp) kitchen knives popped out of their drawers and gleamed. Other funny things happened as well, involving feather dusters and fire, but the authoress is lazy and so it will not appear in this fic. 


	19. In Which the Story Ends with an Overbear...

A/N: Extraordinarily long, but this is the ending, so... yeah. That's why it's long. *shrugs unhelpfully*  
  
Back to the cellar, we go.  
  
Cosette was staring balefully out the widow, when she noticed Gavroche picking the lock.  
  
"Okay!" Gavroche yelled. "It's unlocked." Valjean threw the doors open, and all three of the humans scurried out of the cellar. Cosette ran to the stables, where she pulled out Philippe, the spare horse, and Combeferre's horse. They mounted, and galloped off into the forest, after Combeferre picked up Gavroche and stuck him in his pocket.  
  
At the castle, the objects finally drove all the humans away and began celebrating. Courfeyrac even kissed Enjolras on each cheek. Enjolras shook it off and slapped him.  
  
But only forty- eight French men ran from the castle... why?  
  
Well, Grantaire had passed out due to alcohol poisoning and was snoring contentedly on the rug in the main hall. And Théodule was hunting Marius.  
  
Théodule burst into the West Wing and aimed his gun at Marius, who glanced at him a moment, then stared dejectedly down at the floor. Théodule shot and hit Marius in the shoulder. Marius grunted a bit in pain, and then tumbled out of the room off the balcony and onto the rooftop. Théodule jumped after him.  
  
"Ha ha ha ha ha!" Théodule... laughed. Really, there aren't any adequate synonyms in this case. He cornered Marius on a corner of the roof.  
  
Marius, now in pain as well as despair, just lay on the roof wishing for death. Marius was not a cheerful person.  
  
"Get up! Get up!" Théodule laughed evilly. "Ha ha! You're under arrest and will be guillotined very shortly. Come with me!"  
  
But, as luck would have it, Cosette, Combeferre, and Valjean galloped in.  
  
"No!" Cosette yelled.  
  
Marius perked up at the sound of her voice. "Cosette...."  
  
"Théodule, please! Don't hurt him!"  
  
Marius smiled, but very quickly became depressed and angry, as Cosette had come back, but now he was quite obviously going to die and would never see her again. Bummer.  
  
Marius fought back against Théodule, and they began fighting to the top of the roof. Marius's pack of wild animals did him proud. They viciously attacked Théodule, while Marius struggled back up to a part of the roof that was closer to the balcony. But Théodule kept shooting the wild animals, which promptly vanished. New ones took their places, but all the same, Théodule was an excellent sharp-shooter, and soon caught up with Marius, who hid behind a gargoyle.  
  
"Come out, bete! You're under arrest! Were you in love with her, idiot?" He laughed and continued shooting at the wild animals. "Did you honestly think she'd want someone like you when she had someone like me?"  
  
Marius had enough provocation at that. With a yell, he attacked Théodule himself.  
  
"It's over... idiot... Cosette is mine!" Théodule shouted. They continued fighting, and soon Marius's wild animals had Théodule pinned against a wall. A wolf remained by Marius's side, ready to rip out Théodule jugular vein.  
  
"I didn't mean it!" Théodule said in a strangled voice. "I really didn't mean it, and I'll do anything... and... you look familiar. Am I related to you? Do I know you?"  
  
"I don't know who you are," Marius said calmly, clutching his shoulder. "But, whoever you are, I won't kill you, so long as you get out right now and never come back here."  
  
Théodule nodded, and Marius's wild animals vanished. Cosette ran out onto a balcony near Marius.  
  
"Marius!"  
  
"Cosette...." Marius walked as quickly as he could to the balcony and attempted to lift himself over the railing. It proved a bit difficult, as he thought his collarbone was broken from the gunshot. Cosette smiled at him brilliantly. "Cosette... you came back."  
  
Cosette was about to say something, then Théodule, who was putting away his gun, accidentally shot at Marius... again.  
  
"Sorry!" Théodule called frantically. "Are you okay?" Marius, falling into anger and depression yet again, sent a hyena at him. Théodule scrambled into another balcony and ran off screaming.  
  
"Marius! You were hit!" Cosette cried. She helped pull Marius over the railing and he collapsed on the floor, due the blatantly obvious bullet in his collarbone.  
  
Marius, now rather dizzy from blood loss, stared up at Cosette happily. "You came back."  
  
Cosette attempted to smile but tears streamed down her face. She pretended it was the rain. "Of course I came back. I couldn't let them... oh, this is all my fault. If only I'd gotten back here sooner...."  
  
"Maybe its better this way," Marius murmured.  
  
Cosette smoothed down his wet hair and concentrated on being as cheerful as she could. "Don't talk like that! You'll be all right. We're together now. Everything's going to be fine, you'll see." All the talking objects huddled at the door to the balcony, looking worried. Combeferre and Valjean looked on as well.  
  
"At least I got to see you," Marius muttered, lifting a hard to caress Cosette's cheek. "One... last... time...." With that, he smiled, and he closed his eyes. His hand dropped limply to his side. Cosette, oblivious to the rain, put her hands to her mouth in horror. She couldn't believe this had happened. She couldn't believe he was dead.  
  
"No," she sobbed quietly. "No, no this can't happen. Please..." She tenderly stroked Marius's hair. "Please don't leave me... I- I love you." She burst into tears and flung herself on top of Marius's body.  
  
The objects and the two humans in Marius's rooms glanced at the rose, who forlornly shed its last petal, which floated down lazily to the tabletop. The objects looked down at the floor. Fantine began to cry. Enjolras patted her soothingly on the back. Valjean looked at everything in confusion, but especially at his daughter, who was sobbing on top of Marius's chest. Combeferre looked at Cosette and Marius a moment and sighed. (A/N: tattered sparrow... make what assumptions you will of this sentence you will.;-P)  
  
Cosette didn't notice any of them, being too absorbed in sobbing until she just dried up and died. The rain continued to fall, but beams of light fell as well. One narrowly missed Cosette's head. Cosette wiped her eyes quickly and stared at the beams of light. Everyone else was mystified as well.  
  
Eponine the beautiful fairy floated down on one such beam of light and landed next to Cosette.  
  
"So..." Eponine wheezed in her raspy voice. "You love him?"  
  
Cosette, terrified, nodded. "More then anything...."  
  
"Oh good. I remember you from when we were young. Yes... and he loves you?"  
  
Cosette gently smoothed back Marius's hair again, thought a moment, and nodded. "I would hope so. Please... can you help him?"  
  
"Good," Eponine sighed, looking wistful. "Well, I'm glad he loves you. You two deserve some happiness." She walked over to Marius and tapped him three times with her magic wand. With that, she flew off, leaving everyone to stare after her, stupefied.  
  
Marius began to float and was ensconced in his large black cloak.  
  
There was a sudden burst of light. Cosette moved away from Marius and flinched at the light. The objects, Valjean, and Combeferre stared, fascinated.  
  
The castle was suddenly as it had been before; full of... light... and white marble. And Marius was as he was before as well. His mask was gone, and he was dressed very elegantly. Cosette timidly walked to him and reached out to touch him. At that moment, he stirred and stood up. Cosette shrank back. The man who might have been Marius felt his face to make sure the mask was no longer there, and looked at his clothes. Then he turned to Cosette.  
  
Cosette noticed that the new person that she wasn't sure was Marius was extremely handsome.  
  
"Cosette..." he whispered walking toward her. "It's me."  
  
Cosette looked up at him, and then seeing Marius's familiar, gentle smile, smiled and threw her arms around his neck. "Oh, Marius, it is you!"  
  
With that, they kissed rather passionately. Valjean coughed and looked away. Enjolras looked annoyed, but when no one was looking, he secretly looked a little pleased. Combeferre smiled at them and Courfeyrac chuckled and nudged Combeferre with his elbow. Fantine dabbed at her eyes and Musichetta sighed romantically before wandering off to find Joly.  
  
The objects hopped out onto the balcony and resumed their former shape, as soon as Marius and Cosette stopped kissing, which was quite a bit of time.  
  
"Courfeyrac... Enjolras... Madame Fantine!" Marius laughed and shook hands with them, but kept one hand clasped in Cosette's. He glanced into the room, where Jehan came running out, elated. Combeferre waved, and hugged Enjolras, who looked rather amused, now. Apparently he still hadn't gotten much sleep.  
  
Grantaire even woke up and came to see what all the happiness and laughter and whatnot were about.  
  
Gavroche came riding in on the footstool and were transformed into a cute little gamin and a dog respectively.  
  
"Madame! Look at us!" Gavroche cried in delight. Fantine laughed, and quickly walked over and kissed Valjean on both cheeks in thanks for raising Cosette so well. Valjean blushed.  
  
The next day, Cosette and Marius were waltzing around the ballroom after their cute little wedding, unable to take their eyes off each other. Cosette and Marius kissed each other happily and then continued dancing around, eyes shining.  
  
Courfeyrac, leaning against a handy marble pillar, chuckled to himself. "L'amour...." At this, a maid who used to be a feather duster walked by, after lightly dusting him off with... a feather duster. Courfeyrac straightened his cravat and walked after her. He was stopped by Enjolras, who was cheerfully carrying about a big red flag.  
  
"Well, Courfeyrac, apologies for saying you were a traitor to the revolution and all. Will you join in our crusade still?"  
  
"Of course!"  
  
Marius and Cosette waltzed by, looking cute and completely in love with each other.  
  
Courfeyrac chuckled to himself again. "I told you she'd break the spell."  
  
"I still think the spell was stupid."  
  
"No it wasn't!"  
  
"Yes it was, you pompous, paraffin –headed pea- brain!"  
  
"En garde, you over grown pocket watch!" Courfeyrac pulled a glove out of his pocket and slapped Enjolras, who hit him on the head with his large red flag. They began fighting. Joly, who was pleased not to be a mirror again, and Musichetta walked by giggling, ignoring the two fighting revolutionaries.  
  
Marius and Cosette danced on, oblivious to anyone but each other.  
  
Let us visit Valjean a moment, who was smiling fondly after the couple. Combeferre, standing next to him, smiled and talked to his friend Jehan. Combeferre was very happy... he had friends again!  
  
Fantine, who was beginning to cry, was on Valjean's other side, and Gavroche was seated on the floor, playing with a deck of playing cards, and several wedding guests who he was cheating out of their money. Monsieur Mabeuf was standing by Fantine, holding a book and looking bemusedly at his 'niece' and the nice young man he used to be friends with before he disappeared. He still did not quite believe all the tales about talking objects and white- half masks, and beautiful fairies who drowned in moats, but was having a good time anyways.  
  
"Ah... young love...." Fantine sniffed and, borrowing Valjean's handkerchief, wiped her eyes. "They are so cute together."  
  
"Yes, very." Valjean agreed. "And they've asked me to come live them. Isn't it marvelous! We'll be one, big happy family!"  
  
Gavroche made a face. "What! Are we going to all live happily ever after now or something?"  
  
"Oh, of course!" Fantine laughed.  
  
"This is disgusting," Gavroche muttered. "I'm going to go build a barricade. Bye!"  
  
Marius and Cosette waltzed around the room happily, and all the guests were 'moved' to sing the song Fantine had made up earlier (by the large amounts of money that Valjean was flinging about)... though with different lyrics this time.  
  
"Certain as Théodule... is now filled with regret!"  
  
"Hey!" Théodule shouted, with several waitresses hanging off his arms, looking anything but regretful. Grantaire chuckled, and then decided to be Enjolras's beat-up side-kick instead of Théodule's.  
  
"Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme... la belle et la bete!"  
  
Marius and Cosette smiled at each other and kissed again.  
  
"Tale as old as time! Song as old as rhyme! La belle et la bête!"  
  
THE END... finally. ^^ 


End file.
